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Post by Del on Jun 5, 2010 16:26:35 GMT -5
Well...this came out of the blue.
The agency that I donated eggs to sent me an email. And I am considering it again.
I have also come to terms with letting go. Seeing how this situation has stripped me of having to know, security of society and predictability, I have no qualms about it.
I did make a commitment to being a vessel and open to what the Universe wants of me in this life. Never thought I'd have absolutely NO control over how that pans out; not until now.
It would be a pleasure to at least ONCE bear a child of my own. BUT if that doesn't happen, I at least will have children of my own created from within me...just not born of me.
I haven't told my mother yet Wont' tell her until I'm well underway with the procedure. She won't like it, but it's not her life.
You know what would be interesting? If the children that were created found me some years down the line. How cool would that be?
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Post by stonerwolf on Jun 5, 2010 16:57:52 GMT -5
I did make a commitment to being a vessel and open to what the Universe wants of me in this life. Never thought I'd have absolutely NO control over how that pans out; not until now. I took an oath last summer that sounds pretty much in the same category, to be a tool/resource for the infinite whole of all that is, for the betterment of it all. I am still coming to terms with things and learning how to cope, but i always expected "the unexpected" as it were, so i was not quite surprised to learn that "my" will was no longer, and possibly never, my own.
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Post by Del on Jun 5, 2010 17:10:05 GMT -5
I did make a commitment to being a vessel and open to what the Universe wants of me in this life. Never thought I'd have absolutely NO control over how that pans out; not until now. I took an oath last summer that sounds pretty much in the same category, to be a tool/resource for the infinite whole of all that is, for the betterment of it all. I am still coming to terms with things and learning how to cope, but i always expected "the unexpected" as it were, so i was not quite surprised to learn that "my" will was no longer, and possibly never, my own. Will is a touchy subject because it never really leaves - you've used it to surrender to the Source; you can use it to not go with the flow of Source. The choice is always with the individual. The Source is abundant, and always provides. So whatever it is you hold within you, the Source will provide.
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Post by KG on Jun 6, 2010 12:57:28 GMT -5
That is great news about donating more eggs Del. I think it's a fine idea as long as the procedure is safe. It is safe isn't it? Anyway sure, as long as it doesn't interfere with your health or future fertility, why not! It might get you out of your financial jam as well.
As for the sacred oaths, well... I think that's great too, the thing is there is skill to finding that syncronicity... It's like a slip stream in life.
A slip stream is a path of water current and wind in the ocean, that draws the ship so that it's easier and faster to travel the route. If you just strike out across the ocean in a sailing ship, without knowing where the slip streams and currents are and where they lead it can take many months to cross the atlantic, than if you run in the slip stream. For example Christopher Columbus' voyage took much longer than the later trade routes of the East India tea company.
Anyway there is a way in life that is made for each person, but when we can't find it, because we are not understanding and following our path, things get really difficult. I could have said deer trails in the forest just as easily, and I have a lot more experience with those, but the thing is that blazing a trail is harder than following a trail. Using a naturally occuring path made just for you, is harder to find, but much much easier once you get started... but nothing is just easy as pie. A huge part of finding your own personal slip stream is to be excited about life and eager to find it. When we get discouraged, it's hard to get back on track. Sometimes we do just have to step out in faith and hope we find something to help draw us along. Everyone falls off the path once in a while, and occasionally we stray far from it, Del has, I have... but we just have to find it again and again.
You haven't found your slip stream yet Stoner... but really i think a new found enthusiasm would help.
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Post by Del on Jun 7, 2010 0:46:33 GMT -5
That is great news about donating more eggs Del. I think it's a fine idea as long as the procedure is safe. It is safe isn't it? Anyway sure, as long as it doesn't interfere with your health or future fertility, why not! It might get you out of your financial jam as well. Yes it is safe, otherwise I don't think it would have worked out the first time for me. The financial gain is the bonus. I think a where I am in my development, this is as close to having children in my twenties as I'm going to get. ;D Right, and I also feel that in order to maintain navigation of it, we have to rely on the stream, and not so much what we think we may know. And THAT is the hard part. We can navigate the ocean, sure, but if we want that smooth path, we have to allow it to do most of the navigation. ;D ;D ;D Yep yep yep!! And the hardest part is staying in that stream, having faith that it will carry you all the way through, even when it slows down a bit. It's so easy to get off the stream and want to navigate totally on our own.
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Post by KG on Jun 7, 2010 13:59:17 GMT -5
I think you are making some very wise choices Del, and you've really been a huge inspiration to me through this. I have been afraid to step out of my rut, and try for more. I mean I have a job, and I have responsibilities, but I am not dealing with certain aspects of that very well, sometimes it feels like more than I canhandle emotionally... and yet... I need more. I really need a second job, and I need to take care of things better and waste less time... mostly though we need more income, and I need to get out of the house.
LOL I think my ship has been stuck in the doldrums and I am trying to get it moving again. I am in a position where I have to make choices... though admitedly when you apply for jobs the choice is no loner entirely yours.LOL It never was, but in the past jobs were more plentiful, and you did have a lot more options. IDK. I want something good, but I also want something I am qualified for and feel confident I can do, and so I have decided to lower my standards a bit. My confidence has failed me a lot since the end of last year especially, and only in the past couple of weeks have I felt better about my ability to function properly in the world.
I got some Goddess inspiration cards recently... you lay them out like Tarot cards, but they are not so much for divination as they are inspiration. They've really helped me because they remind me of what I really am, not the frumpy house wife I appear to be, but the supernatural wise woman who is fully the matron, and eventually moving to crone... but not yet. I am not the crone...
Anyway I finally got up nerve to ask the cards what am I afraid of... and the Baba Yaga card came up. Now most people would be afraid of Baba Yaga, but I have met her in meditation, and while I have a great deal of respect for her powers, I am not at all afraid of her personally. I really like her. I pondered on what it meant, because I did feel a chill as i looked at her card, which LOOKS pretty non invasive... it's just a pic of her house. When I thought of her face though, I felt comforted... despite the fact her face is much scarrier thanmost.
I have been contemplating what Baba Yaga is really ever since I met her. On the surface she is an old woman who eats children...think Hansel and Grettle but that story has been altered. In the original story she is different. In general people who show up at Baba Yaga's door are desperate, and I definitely fear being in a situation where I would need to ask the Baba yaga for help. Generally you have to be near death, from starvation or other troubles to be there. You have to be oppressed, and out of all other resource both to feed yourself and to avenge and free yourself. That's why so many children are in these tales, but sometimes even Heros seek help from Baba Yaga. Therefore I do fear needing Baba yaga.
There are three ways to escape Baba Yaga's house alive... and maybe even with her blessing. One is to be pure of heart. Another is to be kind to her pets, and the third is to be perfect in your work, in the tasks she assigns you. I fear that I cannot master the third standard... of being able to do what is expected of me to perfection.
To make it worse I think I do see this unknown future employer as a type of Baba Yaga. Maybe the whole world is Baba Yaga IDK... My situation is increasingly one where I need to gain approval of a type of Baba Yaga... I know that I am kind enough, and my heart is as pure as anyones, though I am not outwardly holy... but I fear that I am not capable of spinning the cloth or thrashing the wheat to her satisfaction. Being kind and being pure of heart only allow you to escape her alive. Only by doing the tasks do you gain her approval, her assistance, and her vendication, and protection, and blessing.
No matter how you manage to leave Baba Yaga's house, you always come out stronger, and also blessed by her... despite the fact she sometimes chases you and threatens to eat you... I think that's just to make you more determined, and establishes your resolve. In many ways she is the threat of death or misfortune that inspires us to work harder, and try harder, and to stick up for ourselves in the face of a harsher but more subtle oppressor, and I DO need BABA YAGA seriously badly... for that. I am fearfully seeking Baba Yaga, as I approach this situation I find myself in.
I am more than able to face her, but I do fear the tests... I fear putting myself to task, and overall I know I have been remiss about things. I know now that spiritually speaking I am clean, but in this body... I do not want to face Baba but I must.
I am not sure if what I am saying makes sense, for those of you who are not familiar with Russian Folklore, but her stories are interesting... and increasingly meaningful for me. I hope you and whoever read this, can get what I am saying... I'm not sure it makes much sense to anyone but me. LOL
Kim
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Post by Kata Samoes on Jun 7, 2010 17:17:15 GMT -5
I am not a parent, so I don't have the yearn for children. My only child is in spirit, and she lives in Canada. Suffice to say, I am barely her father in our relationship.
I cannot make a judgment on wanting, or bearing, a child even as a man.
But...I see your path agreeing with the choice you make, and I encourage your happiness and fulfillment in spirit if this is something you want.
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Post by Del on Jun 8, 2010 3:33:19 GMT -5
I am not a parent, so I don't have the yearn for children. I know of a few people that didn't yearn for kids but had them....that's how I got here. In spirit huh ...Well I don't think that counts You've got to endure the sweat and headaches of fatherhood for it to count...then again just being a figurehead counts in some cases...hmmm, not sure how that works long distance though. ;D Kim made a good point when she PMd me...my life's work is my baby, so there's always the possibility that child rearing may not be meant to be in this life. SO, someone else can do that for me. ;D ;D ;D Yes, I want to spend as much time and energy into nurturing The Project, which is my brain child.....
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Post by Kata Samoes on Jun 8, 2010 11:15:29 GMT -5
I am not a parent, so I don't have the yearn for children. I know of a few people that didn't yearn for kids but had them....that's how I got here. And I do not take your existence for granted, Del-anara. I simply never want children, and I will not subject any to my care or parenting if I can help it. As for your choice, do what makes you happy. I only worry that if you choose to be a surrogate, you may not survive it. Pregnancy is hell on the spine.
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Post by Del on Jun 8, 2010 13:58:37 GMT -5
I know of a few people that didn't yearn for kids but had them....that's how I got here. And I do not take your existence for granted, Del-anara. I simply never want children, and I will not subject any to my care or parenting if I can help it. I didn't mean it in that way. All I am doing is providing the eggs. I couldn't be the oven. I would've had to have had one of my own first in order to be a surrogate.
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Post by KG on Jun 8, 2010 14:03:21 GMT -5
Hi Kata and Del,
I've been a mother in this life, and pretty sure I've never been a mother before in my past lives. It really doesn't suit me well biologically speaking... Pregnancy totally drains me. I really did not enjoy the baby stage, though I loved them so much that i felt like the Grench at the end of the movie. It really did feel like my heart was growing and stretching to accomidate that degree of love. I litterally loved them so much it hurt. Toddlers are fun, grade school kids are even better, and teens!! Oh teens are like the culmanation of all your efforts they are either perfect or spectacularly annoying, and mine were perfect. LOL Some of my friends though have the annoying kind. I'm very proud of my kids... but having a baby is just the beginning.
What I meant was that while Del probably might have a child or adopt one, the vision and strange emotional craving was not related to physical motherhood, and having a baby would not have satisfied that preticular craving. It could have crushed her chances to fulfil it... or to enjoy having a child later in life. I saw in it a desire for accomplishment and a strong drive to succeed. Motherhood at 19 would have put a wrench in what she really wanted to do, and instead would have been such a struggle just to survive that she would not have felt the joy that she craved. While motherhood is a joy is't also a job, and a full time one. The gloriously calm pleasure she described was NOT real life motherhood...at least not any i have ever seen or heard of.
Considering the powerful nature of Kata's spiritual presence and the accute senses of a small child. I think Kata's presence could make a very powerful impression, and I think it will be a tremendous blessing to this child. I know his spirit was to me when I was a child. I knew his spirit even then, and sometimes called on him. I was very amazed when I read his post on HT and recognized his energy, and then confirmed by describing the entity I used to call on as a child. Calling on him gave me a tremendous rush of raw power. He was my older brother in a past life and I think he'd make a wonderful father... but perhaps it's not in the cards for this life.
I too am very thankful for Del. She's an inspiration to us all. I also know that people delude themselves with birth control. The vast majority of children are not planned. While birth control manages to limit families so that most people don't have10 or 12 any more, it's far from fool proof... so one cannot say they won't ever be a parent, unless they practice celebacy...
Still if it should happen Kata, i envy the child raised by such a wise father as you. i think you'd do a fantastic job of raising children. It might sound strange condsidering the age difference, but you remind me of my grandfather, who always knew the answer to every question, and was my strong and powerful advocate no matter what. He also could view the content of my soul and percieve my spirit as easily as you do. He was also of a strong male persona, which is so rare now days... and so I feel that you are like the men of times long past. Powerful, and wise.
I hope Del will not mind if I explain this. I suppose it's personal, but she's been talking about it so she might welcome the explaination... plus I don't want you to worry a minute longer than you have already.
Del is not planning to become pregnant. She will have a small surgery or more of a procedure to remove some eggs from her ovaries. These eggs will be fertilized in an artificial way in some sort of medical equipent, the genetic material will be injected directly into the egg (ovum), and implanted in another woman who's eggs are not viable for some reason.
The other woman will become pregnant, with Raquel's baby, and the father will likely be the woman's husband, but it's all done in a test tube. It's advanced Medical science... but almost like magick to help some couple who want a baby, but would otherwise be childless. So it's a gift that Del is giving a childless couple... like a seed given to be planted in the other woman's womb, not a whole full term baby. The other woman has to, and probably wants to do the pregnancy and birthing herself.
Kim
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Post by Kata Samoes on Jun 8, 2010 20:04:07 GMT -5
You always inflate my ego, Kim. I didn't mean it in that way. I understand that. I've come off as offensive before and wanted to acknowledge my intention, while clarifying my stance. You're fine, I'm sorry if I came off as harsh. All I am doing is providing the eggs. I couldn't be the oven. I would've had to have had one of my own first in order to be a surrogate. Do you? Never knew... Anyways, I only worry for you and your health. But providing eggs sounds like something that makes you happy, plus the cash is nice. Del is not planning to become pregnant. That is a relief, I probably misunderstood.
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Post by KG on Jun 9, 2010 11:09:29 GMT -5
LOL I just comment on what I see... and you do very much remind me of my Grandfather, who was a great inspiration to me. We were very close.
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Post by stonerwolf on Jun 9, 2010 13:06:24 GMT -5
I took an oath last summer that sounds pretty much in the same category, to be a tool/resource for the infinite whole of all that is, for the betterment of it all. I am still coming to terms with things and learning how to cope, but i always expected "the unexpected" as it were, so i was not quite surprised to learn that "my" will was no longer, and possibly never, my own. Will is a touchy subject because it never really leaves - you've used it to surrender to the Source; you can use it to not go with the flow of Source. The choice is always with the individual. The Source is abundant, and always provides. So whatever it is you hold within you, the Source will provide. words and more words, and yet I find no meanings.... can you reiterate?
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