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Post by KG on Mar 12, 2009 21:58:36 GMT -5
Don't know how to explain this really, except to say I'm not doing well. I'm having black outs again, and feeling very weak on all realms. I've talked to Shadow and Dania and Del about it, mostly because they messaged, when I was in the right mood to complain. Usually I try not to, but I really think I might need help with this. Shadow said to rest especially in the astral, take my vitimins and exercise in the physical, Dania said to go to the doctor, and Del hasn't replied yet. I decided to ask the rest of you, and just make this a conversation. I do need help.
I think my heart Chakra is messed up astrally, Shadow thinks so, and it seems to be exhausted. I feel very listless on the physical, and I'm not sleeping well. My pulse races when I move around, but my blood pressure is normal. Mentally I am easily confused, easily disoriented, and have trouble concentrating, or even paying attention lately. I have been so forgetful, that I feel like I have alzheimers or something, but I'm pretty sure it is mostly exhaustion, but physically there is no reason why I should be this tired.
I am pretty sure this started on the astral and not the physical, and so I am reluctant to see a doctor until I have a clear picture of what is going on. I appreciate everyone's opinion, and feel like Shadow and Dania both made good points, but I really want to know what the rest of you think. Maybe there is some way to make this better faster, or at least insure I eventually get well.
Kim
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Post by cassiel on Mar 13, 2009 15:38:45 GMT -5
Perhaps your pain stems from your awareness of the suffering of your close ones, that and or your thoughts have been focused on that of one you loved and lost from the physical plane some time ago, or just the past in general.
Maybe maybe, what say you?
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Post by KG on Mar 13, 2009 20:52:34 GMT -5
Hi Cassiel,
Glad you are back. Yes, it could easily be that. I lost my father just a little over a year ago and he is badly missed, and at my age I have lost a lot of people both to death, and to just the general fluctuations of people in and out of social circles. My age and situation is a isolating time of life where you spend time with only the closest people, and loose the rest by default to the tasks at hand.
Also my physical body is no longer strong enough to support the pressure my spirit puts on it. Just as you were saying in another thread... something about how the memories and awareness of the past existance of the soul became more and more conscious, and the cheerful persona that was once in the forefront, but now steps aside for the deeper soul...well... something like that I can't remember the exact words and you were speaking of Lucifer incarnate, but you are right in general as well. It is kind of like that, a progression or evolution, and the pressure on the heart chakra of Mercy is becoming hard to balance within a physical form... especially an aging one.
So I have two choices, strengthen my body, or back off on my spiritual development... or at least that is how it seems. I am looking for another way, a quick fix, but haven't found one. I am sure the problems of my physical form aren't just physical, and emotional... psychological strain and even mental deterioration are part of the picture. I feel like I am getting old before my time, and suddenly. I need to take better care of myself physically, and find a way to cheer myself up as well, if I am going to maintain.
I have felt very bleak, since my father's death. That feeling has intensified, rather than deminish, and there are other losses which I feel deeply even though they were long ago. I've lost all four grandparents, which at my age is to be expected, numerous friends, and quite a few people who were very close to me. I still feel their links and occasionally experience their presence, and Gary as you know isn't lost, but he isn't physical anymore. We are kind of used to that, but with my age... and physical condition I am experiencing some difficulties with perception, which are at times like facing the loss of these people all over again.
I experience the pain of others deeply. Just passing someone in a store, occasionally I empath their emotions. IDK what their sorrow is but I feel it when it is present. All that takes its toll, but IDK why all of a sudden I am just falling apart. It's just been in the last year that things have taken such a downturn physically.
There is truth in what you have said, though. Yes I am unhappy because of loosing people, and also what you said earlier on the Angels post. It struck me as very true at the time, and it is just the next phase of that, but there will be a way around it. I suspect that strengthening my body, and then my spiritual connection to it will help. I tend to feel disconnected from the body easily, and now I have been trying to reclaim my physical form a bit... but it only seems to be adding to the strain so far.
Thanks Cassiel,
Kim
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Post by cassiel on Mar 14, 2009 3:36:18 GMT -5
Some times, you just need to let go, entirely, everything.
In time your connection will return stronger, it never leaves, you just become oblivious to it for a time being.
For how can you help others, if you do not have the strength to help yourself?
Let go, and live in this world until you are naturally able to live in both again.
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Post by KG on Mar 14, 2009 7:00:24 GMT -5
You are right of course. It's just hard to give up. because I do get a lot of comfort from my astral life, and also I tend to deal with the physical using astral means occasionally, especially when it comes to understanding others.
I am a natural empath. I think that has been part of the problem. I empath people so deeply that I can't discern their feelings from my own sometimes. I need to find a new balance, and learn a new division of my time, and especially my emotional energy, in the physical aspect of my life. I am stressed by personal responsibilities, and have been for years. I think I have used the astral for a break. It is impossible for me to let go in the physical, because responsibility is burning my candle at both ends. I don't feel like I do that much, but my list of things I am supposed to do is so long, I can't even get half way through it anymore. I haven't been able to keep up for years, but I do what I have to, and even that much is wearing me thin. I really need to learn some kind of balance, and take time for myself.
Kim
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Post by cassiel on Mar 15, 2009 20:11:03 GMT -5
When was the last time you can recall of this life, you were truly satisfied and happy?
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Post by KG on Mar 16, 2009 11:04:19 GMT -5
Happiness is relative, and comes in catagories for me. It seems like from a physical standpoint there is always something wrong. It is the nature of the physical world that there is not a time when everything lines up and is perfect. However I can list several times, and give you an idea what makes me happy.
When I was a teen and young adult, I was happy a lot. I was happy in the church, and I was happy in the bar, and I served God wherever I went. I had no serious personal problems, or at least not overwhelming ones. My mind and body worked well then, and I had very little to worry about compared to now. I talked to people easily, and I went where I wanted to without anything tying me down. I worked, and went to college, and all those things made me happy. I studied Graphic Arts in College, and later I went to nurses training which I did not finish. I worked as a graphic artist, in addition I was a real estate agent for a while, and I have done private nursing care as well. I enjoyed all of that.
I was happy when I got married, and Happy when I had my first baby... and that was a different kind of happiness.
I was very very happy, the happiest time in my life when I was publishing a small local newspaper. It came out once a month, and showed all the things to do in the area. It was a very positive paper, and even though I have very little in the way of english training, my paper was used for a college course as an example of a certain style of writing... I can't remember what it was called, but basically I used a folksy voice, and talked about things in a way that made people feel at home and comfortable. I did all the writing, all the art work, all the paste up, and all the advertising sales, and all the delivery and placement and display for this free local paper. I did that for about a year, and then I became pregnant again. I could no longer handle the work, nor could I forsee taking both children with me on appointments, so I had to quit. It was a good job, but it took all my time. In addition it seemed that my appointments were making my husband jealous, and suspicious. I was happy, but he wasn't happy. I didn't notice at first because I was so happy, but shortly before I got pregnant I realized he was unhappy. I can understand why really. I was putting in 60 hours a week, between the newspaper and other graphics work, and I had been doing that for years, not just with my paper but with about a dozen senior citizens papers I had been helping another group do for years. I was very busy, and the house was a mess. My daughter was enjoying it though. I took her everywhere, on appointments, and to various tours of my advertisers venues. She was having a blast. She was pre school at the time, but she was very well behaved, and it was no problem taking her. I'd make the innitial call with her at my mom's but after that clients didn't think it was strange that I had my kid with me, since she was so good. It was good for her, and helped her develop a work ethic. As happy as I was during that, I was equally miserable about quitting. I just couldn't see any other way, because the doctor told me I had to take it easy, and could not lift anything over 5 pounds, ect... and I wouldn't risk my unborn daughter.
Since then... well happiness has been very partial. I haven't worked in my career field much. I own and run a snack food business at a flea market. I have always worked there, on and off for over 20 years, and my parents ran it. I enjoy the work, and having my daughters with me at work. It's cool, but maybe not as cool as artwork.
Overall I love working and earning money, not for the money's sake so much as for a feeling of contributing, and being independent. I actually love the act of working too. I like to put in sixty hours a week on something I am passionate about.
I was also happy when Gary and I wrote the novel, even though we haven't made money off that yet. I am holding off on publishing till better times. I also became happy when I finally understood that Gary was with me all the time. Gary makes me happy, but that borders on being astral... He is a great writer though and types through me. We write short stories, and we wrote a novel so long it needs to be broken into parts... but the rest of my family complained incessantly about me wasting all that time writing. I couldn't help it, it was a compulsion. My daughters were very jealous of the novel. Less so of the short stories because I write them at night... or rather Gary writes those. I am completely suprised by them. I just zone for an hour, or two, and when I am done there is a short story. That is really fun, because it is a suprise.
I have not been having fun for the last several years though. My father was sick, and finally died. In addition my mother is crippled with arthritis, and has had to have joint replacements, and one time she went blind. That has been going on for the past ten years, and while I have had moments of enjoyment during that time, they are fairly fleeting.
I was happy on my second honeymoon. I was happy when David came to visit, and I am happy that my husband and I are getting along better in our old age. It really makes me happy when he does thoughtful things to make my life work better.
Still there is always a spoiler, of my parents being ill, dad dying, my husband also got sick about seven years ago and was out of work for a full year. During that time my Grandmother was alive, and there have been several times when I was responsible for the care of four sick people, in three different houses, a small child, the care and upkeep of two houses, and lawns. My only help was my oldest daughter, who was also technically still a child, but old enough to be a lot of help. That was an exhausting nightmare period for me, and I still have my mother to care for. She is fairly independent, physically. She can drive, and use the phone, and walk a little, like around the house. She can go to the grocery store for herself and things like that, thanks to those two knee replacements, but it hurts her ankle... Still it is good for her to do that as long as she can.
Overall from this you can see that I like to work, but when I haven't done it for a while I get shy, and loose confidence. Working at the flea market is a lot less stressful than making sales calls for advertising or artwork, but it isn't as fun or satisfying either. I haven't done any serious artwork in several years, and I am not even sure I still can.
I hate housework, and caring for sick relatives. I mostly hate that they are sick, but also taking them to the doctor several times a week, and being responsible for people who won't take responsibility even to the degree they could. AT least my mom doesn't go to the doctor a lot.
Anyway happiness is a mixed bag. I am not thrilled with my current job, but it has to be done, and my husband is much more satisfied with me only working the flea market which is two days a week, and not an obcession... heck I am not all that interested in it really, but it gives me spending money, and pays some of the bills. I don't mind my job, and I generally enjoy it. It isn't thrilling, but it is pretty good.
I love every kind of work, except housework. I don't mind doing the lawn, I really like it as a matter of fact. I hate house work!!! I despise it to the depths of my soul, and my family is very messy. They collect things, and my husband collects everything, so the house is extremely cluttered. It always has been, but when I have free time I feel more guilty for not cleaning it. Trying to make my cluttered house look nice has been a constant source of misery ever since I got married. I hate housework, but that is all they want from me. That is what is required, and I hate it with a passion. I also hate having to worry about money, and bills and such, and being responsible for other people who are sick, helpless, and whiney. I think those three things are what makes me miserable, but those three things are most necessary. I also homeschool my kids and that is mixed... hard work, but rewarding at times. Overall I guess it isn't so bad. I just get really tired.
It helped a lot just writing that down. Thanks for asking.
Kim
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