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Post by Ko'an Noi on Jul 25, 2008 8:04:50 GMT -5
Two nights ago, I had a dream that my dad (a dream version... he was like a mix of my step-dad and my real dad) was going to rape me. Like, he was kind of holding me hostage or something like that. It was like that dream intuition of I-know-what's-going-to-happen/ what-he-wants-to-do. I was scared absolutely shitless. He was sleepy, and I knew that if I didn't act soon, he was going to eventually muster up the energy to do it. So, I snuck out of my room (it was wierd, it ws the same room layout and house layout as my home), and into the bathroom. On my way out, I grabbed a t-shirt and my celll phone. Once in the bathroom, I was going to call my boyfriend to pick me up. That's when my RL-lucidity kicked in (worst possible moment). My RL self realised that the phone in my hand was the same model as my boyfriend's, so my RL self is thinking that I have his phone, and I don't know his home number. So, I'm panicing even more and am even more confused, because both my RL and dream selves were confused as hell, and then I wake up.
In hindsight, if it was my boyfriends phone, it would have had his home number in it. And, I don't know why I didn't just leave the house and call him once I was out. I think it was because my dream self thought that dad would wake up and hunt me down.
I have never felt so weak and scared before in my life. My dream self was in tears, out of panic and fear, and was shaking like a leaf. I hate that feeling, and I never ever, want to feel like that again. I hate feeling weak, and that I can't stand up for myself. That's how I grew up, and placing dependence on others is hard for me, and losing control of a situation is hard for me.
What the F**k does it mean? I mean, yeah, my stepdad and I don't get along all that well, kind of fire-and-ice, friendly-then-hate, and I'm annoyed at my real dad (that a whole nother story on the rant board), but seriously? WTF? I wouldn't have expected my dislike/annoyance to come out this viscerally. (With the exception of the one dram where I beat the shit out of my stepdad) In hind-sight
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Post by Wunderkind on Jul 25, 2008 11:36:23 GMT -5
I'm sorry you had that crap happen to you. =/ I guess it could mean you feel threatened by him (a hell of a lot) and wonder if you can count on your BF. Or maybe the cell being his means you can count on him, but you're still unsure anyway? Or maybe it means you thought you could count on him and you can't? I don't knoooow. @_@ Ask Rael? These sort of things really are best interpretted by you, you're a Dream Guarder even!
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Post by Ko'an Noi on Jul 25, 2008 11:58:20 GMT -5
I'd ask Rael if I knew where he was.
:irony: FIrst I go from having no dreams to f**king crazy ass pyscho dreams. I think the confusion about the cell phone was just becasue my lucid dreaming-ability kicked in. >< If I wonder if I can count on boytoy, it must be really subconcious. Really, really subconcious.
Yeah, I can interpret dreams a lot, but apparently not my own. Just like the dream with Stan. xDx
damn. I just realised that I changed my avatar and personal text to "Fear is for the weak", and there I was, quivering like a shock experiment dog.
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Post by Kata Samoes on Jul 25, 2008 15:08:09 GMT -5
That's not irony at all, but don't take it in a negative light. Think of it as....a sign to let go of the need to hide and march on with a high head.
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Post by KG on Jul 25, 2008 23:10:23 GMT -5
I think the fact that the villian of this dream was a composite of both "fathers" in your life indicates that the dream character is a dream symbol rather than indicating either person. Father's are a symbol of authority and also of protection.
Rape symbolizes that you feel violated, or that something is being forced on you, in a less litteral way. You might feel controled, and forced, and that may feel degrading, and damaging to your self esteme.
Your home represents a sense of security, and safety or it should.
Your boyfriend symbolizes someone who appreciates your vaue as a person, which should feed your own feelings of self worth. I think the fact that it is his phone and not yours may mean that the confidence, and positive opinion of you is his opinion, not yours, so you can't use it to save yourself. The phone represents communication, whether psychic, or verbal. You are troubled because it is his communication you hold in your hand, but you cannot communicate because you have his phone. Your phone is apparently missing. That might mean that he has given you a way to communicate but you can't use it because he has left it with you so to speak. Kind of like the ball is in your court so to speak, and you haven't volleyed it back over the net... perhaps there is soemthing he has said you need to accept, or reply to?
I think your dream is saying that you do not feel protected by authority, but instead you feel threatened by it. You don't feel safe in your own space, because it is controled by others. Overall it expresses a realization that authority doesn't protect unless they first respect for you, and your rights as a person. That is why you seek your boyfriend's help, instead of calling another authority figure such as the police... you didn't even think about calling 911. Why? Because like me you don't trust them, as the ultimate authority figures, to even care. You know that your boyfriend values you and respects you enough to defend you, if you could only reach him... unfortunately communication isn't working because you have lost your means of communication, and are relying on his way of speaking and it isn't working for you. You got his message about the fact he cares about you, loves you and thinks you are great, but you aren't quite sure he is correct on that.
It sounds like you are depending on your BoyFriend for emotional support and security, which should be coming from within. There are a lot of trust issues, and confidence issues expressed in the dream. You aren't alone in not trusting authority. It is only sensible, at least politically, and socially to realize that authority ISN'T always on your side. Still you have to have your confidence and faith in something. You have chosen your boyfriend, to trust, and yet there is some glitch in communication there.
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Post by Ko'an Noi on Jul 27, 2008 10:43:07 GMT -5
That's not irony at all, but don't take it in a negative light. Think of it as....a sign to let go of the need to hide and march on with a high head. *nods* That's what I thought, after I had said that.
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Post by Ko'an Noi on Jul 27, 2008 10:51:24 GMT -5
I think your dream is saying that you do not feel protected by authority, but instead you feel threatened by it. You don't feel safe in your own space, because it is controled by others. Overall it expresses a realization that authority doesn't protect unless they first respect for you, and your rights as a person. Rebel I am! :lol: True, usually i feel threatened by persons of authority. I never feel safe in my own home, and I'm completely serious. I'm paranoid that they're going to find something to yell at me about, or that another "privilege" is going to be taken away. I was going to call them as soon as I was safely away from the house, i swear! I just wanted to get out first, without my "dad" knowing, and then, from a safe distance, alert the authorities. This is so freakin' ironic of what is going on between me and him (grammar, I know) now, that's its only funny in a very creepy-wierd way. To be completely honest, I do have a lot of confiendence issues, and a LOT of trust issues. I don't trust many people at all, and it takes a lot for me to trust them. Once that trust is broken, it almost never comes back full strength. Trusting people has ended up in me getting hurt (emotionally and mentally), and I use that as a defense mechanism, I suppose.
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