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Post by Ko'an Noi on Sept 9, 2008 15:07:24 GMT -5
I was laying on my bed a couple days ago, just :blah:, not doing anything except mulling over the events of the past few days. Then, I took a look at my aura, and I swear to god it was dripping. It was thick and nasty, like tar. It just oozed off of me and pooled on my bed around me until it overflowed and oozed down the side of my bed. Thick, tar-like, and definately wrong.
Normally, my aura is strong, alive, and "bright". By "bright", I mean that it's bright in a "negative of light" way... (kinda hard to explain), so.... kind of like a fairly opaque shadow. Alive. Energized. But this was just... oozing.
Anybody have any thoughts?
Personally, I think this may be related to why I've been feeling overtly depressed and pissed off at everything as of late. Or the other way around. Or... something.
My aura is still in this state, and I need to get rid of it. I can tell that it is in no way shape or form good for me. I'm just wondering how. That's why I'm asking the why, because if I know why, then how to get rid of it is much easier (I hope). When it pooled on my floor, it congealed like old blood, semi-gelatinous and blech. I had to astrally SCRUB my carpet to get just the tiniest bit out.
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Post by KG on Sept 9, 2008 23:39:20 GMT -5
Damn! Has Mem seen it? What does she think? Have you asked Miss E? I do know that a bad mood can effect the aura, but I've never seen an aura do that before. I have seen the substance you speak of, or at least similar substances, but your aura is made of that stuff? I've never seen someone get that in their aura, but grounding and then making energy balls till it clears up would be my first suggestion. I do this when my energy gets gross... though being light mine gets gross in other ways. What I do is ground (pull energy up from my feet,) and pull energy from above at the same time. Let both energies cross and re-cross inside of you, visualizing a sort of system of circulation through your chakras, then pass the energy from your left to your right hand, and then back form a ball, look at it, and discard it... then do it again and again till the energy is better. A positive attitude during this helps a lot. Try to dispell your emotional state, and cheer up. I'd try spending some time outdoors, and/or other clean cheerful surroundings. Sing or dance or do something outward to sort of imitate happiness, till you feel better. I'll see what else I can find out, but in the meantime try that, if nothing else it might make you feel better.
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Post by Ko'an Noi on Sept 10, 2008 6:47:14 GMT -5
No, I don't think Mem has seen it. She's at a different school this year, and she has seemed to be on here recently. I haven't talked to E. recently either... My aura, as far as I know, isn't made from toxic goo. It is, however, made from dark fire, which has never acted this way before. I have been trying to get out of my house for at least a little while everyday (I swear that as soon as I step out of my house, and then off the property, I feel drastically different. Light-hearted, capable of happiness, etc. Something is seriously wrong with the vibes in my house. I definately should go through and clean it out.) I took a 4 mile long bike ride, pushing myself, and afterwards, I felt a little better. Thanks for the energy-ball-and-grounding suggestion. I'll try it tonight when I get home. Hopefully I'll show some improvement!
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Post by KG on Sept 11, 2008 21:49:29 GMT -5
So how did that work? I hope it helped.
I don't know anything about using dark fire. I don't know anyone in person with darkfire in their aura, so it is hard for me to grasp how that would be.
I have seen it go toxic before in the astral. I've also seen it get inky and wet like too, but I dont' know if that is good or bad really. It seemed bad to me at the time, because I was being attacked with it.
It sounds like your house may be a large part of the problem. Is anything odd going on that doesnt' usually? Is someone there upset, or have things changed for someone recently? It sounds like the house has some sort of bad energy source. I agree it needs a good cleaning... spiritually speaking.
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Post by Ko'an Noi on Sept 12, 2008 9:54:49 GMT -5
My house is a house of bad feelings.... stress between my parents and myself, and... just blech.
I'm paranoid that they're going to find something to rag me out on, if I did something wrong, or bad, or that I wasn't supposed to/ allowed to, and lock down on me even more. I almost live in fear of going home - especially with school back in session because now grades and homework and stuff like that factors into the leverage that they have on me. :/ I fear going out somewhere becasue when i come home, i have no idea what went on, or what "investigating" they've been doing, or whatever. But, when I am out of the house, my mood is almost always drastically different... I fell light, and happy. But when it comes time to go home...
I have seriously thought about trying to legally cede from my family. I have three different homes that I could go to right now. 2 are local, Mem's and my boyfriend's, and one god knows where - my dad. He lives somewhere near Yale....
I don't want to be tied to them anymore. I've even thought about changing my name once I move out.
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Post by KG on Sept 14, 2008 1:29:58 GMT -5
Wow, I kind of know how you feel but I think even my parents weren't as controling as yours. Have you tried talking to them, preferably seperately. It's always harder to talk to two people than one at a time. Ask one or the other of them, or both... but ask the one you have the best chance with first. You could start by asking questions. Do you think I am a good person? Do you trust me to do the right thing? Why do you act like you think I am up to something all the time? What are you afraid I am doing? Ask these things gently, and like you are concerned and want to know their POV. Stay calm no matter what they say. That shows maturity. Try to see their point of view, and if it is something that you had never even thought of doing then say so, but don't say it angrily. Go into this knowing that their concerns are sincere, but probably groundless. Ask them what their expectation of you as an adult are. Do they expect you to go to college? Do they expect you to get a job?Assure them that you just want to be a normal person, and that in a couple of years you will be an adult. Ask them if when you become an adult they want you to have some kind of normal life. Then very rationally tell them that you need to prepare yourself for college or work by developing some type of independence. Tell them you will be sixteen soon, and that you want to get your drivers licence, a car and a part time job like other sixteen year olds. Tell them that you want to start learning to be a responsible adult by the time you are 18, and that you can't do unless you get started on some of the very rudimentary things now. Tell them that you need some room to grow and gradually get used to the responsiblities (don't mention the freedoms and pleasures just yet) of being grown up, so that in a couple of years it isn't such an overwhelming change. Tell them that you want to learn to take care of yourself, and you can't do that with all their hovering, even though you know it is a sign they love and care about you. Now if you can get them to go along with that, and you do get a job and a car, you will be in more of a position to bargin with them. If they say you can't get a job cause you need to keep your grades up then say, what about next summer, will you allow me to try to find a job for next summer? Will you let me go to work by myself, and drive myself home? If they agree to let you look for a job, then you have gotten somewhere. Even if you don't end up working any time soon, you will have earned some respect, because you presented yourself in an adult way, and asked, not for privilages but responsiblities... but believe me those responsibilities lead to privilages. Driving yourself to and from work? You could have a cell phone, and ask your mom if she needs stuff from the store! Then you could take some extra time... Always give in order to get. Never just ask for stuff, that is childish. Once you have given then ask to get. ;D If this doesn't work for some reason, give it a month. Let what you asked sink in, and ask again. You have some time before you turn sixteen. Anyway be persistant after that. Tell them you want a chance to make a gradual transition to adulthood. If it does work, then start very gradually asking for little freedoms. Can I go to Mem's after work? Can I go to the library on the way home from school? If they say yes, then you can ether do what you want and say you are at the library, or you can just enjoy being at the library and away from them. You can make stops before and after the library... but seeing how they are you better at least make an appearance at the library. Anyway ease yourself into a more responsible, and free situation. In the end if it blows up, you can point out that you work, you have had some freedom, and you haven't misued it. Be self righteous at this point and let them know that you aren't out there doing crack, or having sex... and you better not be! LOL If you are then straighten out. Tell them that you are a good responsible person, and they need to back off on supervising you. I've known a lot of girls like yourself, who have controling parents. I had the same kind myself. It leads to only one thing; "Girls Gone Wild." Girls who have been under someone's thumb till they turned 18, always go crazy when they finally get free. I know I did. I went out of town to college, and I changed 180 degrees from what I was in highschool. I was shy, overly religious, and boring in highschool, but for the next 7 years I was wild as the wind. I was frequently drunk, and partied every evening, and all day on weekends. I totally ignored the clock, and was out till three and five AM up to four nights a week... but I went to work the next morning. I always worked and/or went to college. Now on the other hand, your parents were right up to now, at least about some things. I know girls that had NO supervision, total freedom, and no responsiblity, from the time they were 10 or 12, and they ended up much worse off than me. Most of the time girls like that loose their virginity at age 11 or 12, and by the time they are 18 they've had dozens, scores, or sometimes even hundreds of lovers. They end up playing "my baby's Daddy is... " and not finishing high school. They end up with SERIOUS drug and/or alcohol problems, and no way to support their habits, or their kids. It is no way to start life like that! But there has to be a happy medium. At some point, you have to be capable of handling your life on your own in a responsible adult way. You can't just go crazy when your parents suddenly let go. I can't say I didn't, but at 19, I had standards, and limits, which I might not have kept if I had started at 12. I also didn't have that fickle change of boyfriends some girls had. I kept the same ones for the most part, and so at least I didn't go though a lot of men... enough, but not what I'd call a lot. I knew where to draw the line, and although I did press my luck many times, I survived. How much was luck and how much was skill I do not know for sure, but by some miracle I didn't get killed. I don't recomend it though. It is better to be a good girl, and take your responsiblities more seriously, and your fun more carefully. Over vigilance and under vigilance by parents both lead to promiscuity, and substance abuse, but in the end all that is your choice. YOU choose what you do, and your parents, when it comes right down to it, can only make it difficult, not impossible. I don't think moving in with your boyfriend would be a good idea. It could all fall apart and leave you with no where to stay. Not only that it could put a lot of pressure on your relationship, and you really need to go to college if at all possible. You would be better off working this out with your parents. Perhaps you can find a compromise if you get up your courage and have a long sensible talk with them. Kim
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Post by Ko'an Noi on Sept 15, 2008 7:28:07 GMT -5
Wow.... gah, so much to respond to....
ah.... No, because I never feel like I'm going to get anywhere...
Here's what right now I'd think their answers would be: You can be. No. At least not always. Not with all the problems and mishaps that we've had. Again, problems and mishaps. We/I don't know. We thought we could trust your judgement, but not anymore. (most of these problems stem from the fact that my parents think I'm too "public" with my boyfriend, and too "friendly". And he has a car. So, if I was out, I could just call him and he could pick me up e.e)
Personally, i don't give a crap what their expectations are anymore. I don't think my mom cares anymore. It's kinda like "if you do, do it well, get somewhere/thing good"
Tell me about it. :lol:
pfft. No worries about them letting me get a job. they want me to get a job. I spent friggin' a month and a half of my summer filling out applications and following up and crap like that. I TOLD them that no one hires under 16 anymore, but NOOOO they don't friggin' believe me. SO, when one place declines, we go somewhere else. When they won't hire me, we go another place. And on and on and on. Until, finally, we'd exhausted every freakin' possibility in my area, and they finally got it through their shulls: NO ONE'S GONNA HIRE ME AT THIS AGE.
ppfffftt! my parents hate mem. at least dislike her a lot.
They would make it a point to sabotage me and show up at the library to make sure i was there.
Nope, no sex or drugs.
O-o I never would have thought you.... wow. Anyway, girls gone wild.... ewww. Everytime I see commercial for crap like that I change the channel.
Happy medium..... yeah... I'll have to find one one day. On the drugs, alchohol and sex - I don't desire children anytime soon. I know the consequences, and trust me, my parents have made it QUITE clear how they would react if I came to them and told them i was pregnant. My uncle had a severe addiction to heroin. In and out of rehab, and finally he got clean. For a little while. Then he got necrotizing faciitis from a dirty needle. Nearly lost his arm, has to go through physical therapy, and all that crap. Drinking, in my opinion, is never good. My boyfriend had a (minor) problem (IMO) with it, and I've made it clear that I won't tolerate it. Also, I've just smelled wine and beer, and nearly hurled. We had sparkling grape-apple juice, and i swear to god it was bordering on being alchoholic, it was so strong.
That's the thing. I'd tell them that there's no way in flying frick that I'd ever o that. I'm not one for partying, but hell if my parents would believe me, or "trust my judgement" or just flat out say "you don't know what you're going to be like in a couple years from now, so you can't make that call and say you won't go out partying". i'm tired of them not trustng me to be so goddamn stupid so as to go do something as F**king asinine and moronic as that!
:lol:
I know. I probably wasn't going to for a long term thing - just, he's closer than Mem's, so if i needed to, i could go there for a night or two until I could manage to get to Mem's (he'd be driving of course :lol:). As in, if i suddenly leave the house, I could walk/bike to his house first. He's waaaaaay closer to my house then Mem.
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Post by Kata Samoes on Sept 15, 2008 8:29:15 GMT -5
ppfffftt! my parents hate mem. at least dislike her a lot. Why? We/I don't know. We thought we could trust your judgement, but not anymore." (most of these problems stem from the fact that my parents think I'm too "public" with my boyfriend, and too "friendly". And he has a car. So, if I was out, I could just call him and he could pick me up e.e) That's a sign of abuse and lack of actual trust anyways. The latter comes from lack of communication ON THEIR PART (meaning it's not your fault at all) about what you do and why, how you do it, and then accepting your independence and the fact you're still you. However, the abuse is still there, and that's what makes the situation the situation. When you make the choice to get out, to truly get out of the place, you'll have help.
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Post by Ko'an Noi on Sept 15, 2008 11:40:05 GMT -5
I finished responding to KG's post in my post above. ppfffftt! my parents hate mem. at least dislike her a lot. Why? Because, when ever i get together with her, or go over her house, we "never do what we say we're going to do", or I manage to get bad grades whenever we have a study session together. Edited below post before I responded, cuz I'm REALLY picky. Kind of. -KataWe/I don't know. We thought we could trust your judgement, but not anymore." (most of these problems stem from the fact that my parents think I'm too "public" with my boyfriend, and too "friendly". And he has a car. So, if I was out, I could just call him and he could pick me up e.e) That's a sign of abuse and lack of actual trust anyways. The latter comes from lack of communication ON THEIR PART (meaning it's not your fault at all) about what you do and why, how you do it, and then accepting your independence and the fact you're still you. However, the abuse is still there, and that's what makes the situation the situation. Abuse? How so? I get the lack of trust though. But abuse? In what way? (I'm not doubting, I'm just curious as to your explanation.) (and thanks for saying it's not my fault ) Uh oh. there was a wink there. :lol: Help from whom? On another note related to the whole toxic-goo aura: This Saturday, i managed to take a large section of skin off my knee. i was running, my dog tripped me, smack onto the ground i went, skinned one knee, bruised both, got up, hobbled on home. :lol: Anyway, normally, something like that would scab over/ harden in no time flat. However, this wound is still open - it's no longer bleeding or anything, but it's still sticky with plasma and platelets (or whatever that stuff is). it should have hardened up by now - if it hasn't, that means that it's trying to get something out of my system, i.e. an infection. I'm concerned that my astral may be influencing/interfering with my physical, as it sometimes does. That maybe my aura, in the state that it's in, is somehow keeping it from healing. Maybe that's how my body is trying to detoxify it... The thing is, the longer it stays open, the more chance of getting a physical infection in it. (badbadbad) What do you think?
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Post by KG on Sept 15, 2008 12:20:15 GMT -5
When I was a kid we used to have a saying. (awful english was common in my cotton mill town Jr. High, so this is terrible english) but the saying is, "Can't never could do nothing." It's a weird phrase, but it about attitude. If you see the situation is hopless, if you don't try to communicate with someone, if you don't keep trying, then it is all over. You have to make a decision about whether to stay or go. In order to make that decision you have to have more information, and you need to have at least one heart to heart talk with them. It is obvious from what you are saying that they dont' realize that you are an individual person yet. You are still their baby, and they feel they have a right to control you. At 15 you are still at least somewhat under their control, because you live in their house, but they need to recognize your rights as an individual at the same time. There is a process in maturation of human beings called Individuation. It occurs between the ages of 12 and 20 usually, sometimes it is later, but it has to happen eventually in order for a person to be able to survive on their own. It is the real cause of teenaged rebellion. It is the phase where the daughter or son, distances themselves from the parents, and becomes independent. Until age 12 a child is more or less a product of the parent. They adopt similar ideas, similar behaviors, and they try to mimic the parent. Then suddenly, the child realizes that they are an individual person, capable of disagreeing and finding answers that don't necessasarly reflect the views of the rest of the family. Parents always resist this process at some point. Some parents are more resistant than others. My own daughter taught me about individuation when she turned 18. It went differently with her than most people. Until she was 18, we had gotten along peacefully. I mean she got cranky at 12, like all girls do, but I understood all that. My solution was to just go along with her, and I gave her all the freedom I could, which may not have been much since she didn't drive, and was reliant on me for a ride. Then suddenly at about age 18 she started talking about leaving the home, not just for college but forever... I mean leaving this one horse town and not coming back. I was horrified. I mean I want her to do what she wants, but the idea of her not being in her room scared me. Not because she was dependent on me, but because emotionally I was dependent on her. Suddenly she was out of the house most of the time, at school and with friends. Until then she was home school, and we did everything together. I had always been her side kick. She was the Lone ranger, and I was just Tonto. She was the leader from the time she was six or eight, and we just did what she said most of the time... so I thought, how could she rebel? She got her way, but only because she made good decisions easily. She always thought in terms of what was best for the family, and what would work. She made her decisions, and over half of mine. I was happy with that. Turns out her little sister wasn't, but I didn't realize that at the time. In any case I was dependent on her for making daily decisions, helping me do all the things we had to do. We did chores, shopped, took care of her grandparents, and learned about stuff together. I had lost a lot of my own independence, so really I've been through individuation not only with my parents, but with my daughter. With my own parents it was completely different. They coddled me and such, but it was clear I was a fancy housepet with them when I was a child. They did everything, and I had to fight for the right to even help. They talked to me, and were with me all the time, unless I escaped outside or to my room, like a cat gets tired of being petted and hides in the linen closet. They loved me, but they believed it was their right to control me, and tell me what NOT to do. They didn't give me much of anything to do, but they just sat on me basically. "Isn't it fun to go everywhere with your parents?" It is just so much fun to go to social events where other kids your age have dates, and walk around with mom and dad. Still they were good parents. Other people I know have all varying degrees of individuation crisis. Lan's still going through it at 25. At times I go through it with my mom, and I am 48. It is a delicate balance between helping elderly parents and letting them rule your life, so YES even if you go through it now, it will always be an issue. It is time now to start dealing with this. Sure you can run away and break it off completely, but before you do, don't you think you owe it to yourself to get some real answers as to why? No. I mean why do they do this? What are they REALLY afraid? What was your mom's childhood and teen years like. What about your step dad? What in their past experience makes them worry about you? All people react from past experience. My gues is they were both wild as the wind, and are afraid you will do the same as them, or at least they knew someone closely who was like that. That is typical of my generation really. The seventies was a wild time. People were different than their raised in the fourties and fifties parents. My mom's teenaged existance looked like an episode of "Happy Days" She couldn't even concieve of what was going on in the seventies and early 80's. Most of my friend's parents were the same way, and we took full advantage. One of our friends had a T shirt with a pot leaf that said Columbian on it. Another of my friend's mothers commented that Jimmy must have really enjoyed that trip to Columbia South Carolina, cause he wore that T Shirt all the time. LOL They had no freaking idea, and we took full advantage. NOW my generation has kids! WE know what kind of trouble kids can get into. My generation knows about having the wrong kind of fun, and we know the cost. A lot of my friends are dead because of all the fun we had. Car wrecks, overdoses... I have at least 6 friends, who are dead from substance abuse. A lot more of my friends have been to jail. At least a dozen of my friends had unwed pregnancies. Some have up to five failed marriages, and even at 50ish, some are still promiscuious, drunk, and on drugs. Some are still living with their parents. (I have a lot of friends so some of them are normal.) Still almost everyone my age has lost close friends because of partying, and various ways to have teenaged fun. Now we love our children more than anything in the world. They are our reason for living. If both my daughters died, I'd probably loose my will to live entirely. I'd have to turn to you guys, even more so, and hopefully come up with some reason to stay on this planet, but it wouldn't be easy. They are my world. I have a friend who lost his only daughter to a motor cycle accident. She was a good girl, unlike her ex-dope dealing dad. She had college plans, and a bright future. Her dad had cleaned up and was very successful. She went to the beach for graduation, and a cute young stranger offered her a ride down the main street there on the back of his bike, just for kicks. No helment, but going about twenty miles an hour. Who could blame her. I mean she was an 18 year old girl for god's sake, and of course she went. He was cute. What could be the harm? In a freak accident, she tumbled off and hit her head. It wasn't his fault. She just wasn't used to riding. She died instantly. Her dad was devistated and had a break down. He didn't work for over a year after that. Stuff like that is devistating, and it scares the hell out of other parents. Most of the people I know who have kids your age, sit on them. I mean they overprotect and coddle, and the more they partied when they were young the more over protective they are. Ex drug addicts are the worst. Of course as I said the average drug addict has even more dead friends than me. He has friends who went to jail, and may have done some time themselves, or narrowly escaped it. A lot of mom's had kids out of wedlock when they were teens, and no they don't always tell the kids. Believe me your parents have reasons for the way they are. Real reasons, and it will be hard to show them that you are different. They consider themselves normal, and their friends normal... they see it all as normal teen behavior, but behavior they don't want you to be involved in cause they know it is deadly. You should give a crap. These people aren't just being mean to be mean. They are afraid. It is part of your quest of becoming an adult yourself to find out what fear is motivating their behavior. If you don't understand the problem how can you deal with it? YOu will have to deal with it eventually. Whether it is now or later is your choice, but I can tell you that getting emanciapated from these people will be a battle. I think it would be better to at least know why the problem exists, before you do anything else. What do you have to loose? Ask. Just humbly and meakly ask about the problem. Ask for stories about their experiences. I know my kids didn't have to ask. I've been an open book. They know my about my ex boyfriends, and that one of them was a mainline cocaine addict. They know what dates with him were like... scoring drugs in the worst part of the city, watching him go nuts, and having to physically take the gun to keep him from shooting himself, and thinking the whole time that he'd not live to see fourty. (he died in his early 30's after I'd married someone else.) I told them all of it, but many parents don't. Still if you asked enough questions they might open up, and that would be much more effective than what they are doing. What they are doing is a lie by ommission. They are making rules without telling you why. That might work for small children, but not well, and it certainly doesn't work for teens. Get them to fess up. Pull their booggie man out of the closet, and make them look at him. Make them show that boggie man to you, and see if he is really that scarry out in the light. I look at my boggie men every day, and that is why I am not as terrified as they are. I try to keep my fears out where I can see them, watch them, and make sure I am not being irrational. It sounds like they keep them in the closet where they are going wild. Well kudos to them for trying. I know the job market is tight. Better luck next year, but if not do volunteer work. I am sure the hospital needs free help. Get involved in something wholesome and productive. Habitat for humanities, or a soup kitchen. You need experience, more than you need the money at your age. Work is always a good healthy thing. I suspect they are are afraid of Mem's influence on you. They can't control you when you are with MEM. Mem is an independent thinker, and they don't want her influencing you into insurection. I know you put up with a lot, and the time will come when either they calm down, or you will have to leave, but for the sake of the long term, it would be better if there could be some honest communication before you move out. Ah, yes... so they have that much time on their hands? I mean a lot of parents would if they had the time, and some of them probably should. However having idle time only makes the imagination run away with people. Your parents are in the grip of some terrible fear. It would be better if possible to lay that fear to rest, rather than run from its effects on them, without even seeing the monster. These people are scared to death of drugs and teen pregnancy. There is probably a good reason for that, but you need to make them see that their fears come from another source, not you. It would be nice if they would see that they are forcing you to lie, and not be honest with them, because they are not being honest or realistic with you. It is much better to have an open relationship between parents and kids where people can talk and express their feelings. That is a two way street, and while it is their place to initate this conversation, if they won't you should. This has to be dealt with in a rational way, or they will be chasing you around, and trying to drag you home, even after you move out. Very good. I believe you, now the only thing is to convince your parents of this reality, and your job to keep this a reality. LOL I started out as a straight laced girl in love with the image of a wild boy. I did a lot of stuff trying to get a guy like that... but when I got them I couldn't make them cooperate. One of my best male friends explained it to me just recently. He said, "If men were horses, you always walked right past the pasture, and went deep into the forest to find the wildest creature in the world. Then you could never understand why you couldn't saddle that beast and ride him home like a saddle horse. My friend was right. I had some interesting taste in men. I also went to the wildest places to have fun, and I wasn't afraid of the devil himself... I have probably dated him. LOL I lived a double life the whole time. I went to church. I was training as a deliverance minister, and my parents thought I was a really good girl, but when I went out, I was busy chasing wild men, and drinking heavily. I was living a lie, cause I couldn't force my two lives together. My two lives were just too diverse, and even though I did spend a lot of my bar time trying to help people, and even ministering, I can't say I planned it that way. I did what I was supposed to, and a lot more besides that I probably shouldn't have. What your parents are doing causes that kind of behavior, and I don't want you to go through that. I ended up doing things cause I knew that if my mom knew she'd freak out. It was a thrill, and played a part in the more irrational and non man seeking behaviors. As a result though I've lived a full life with a lot of bizzare experiences which I enjoy reflecting on, so even that isn't all bad, since I didn't get myself killed anyway. In any case, your parents are scared, but the very thing they are afraid of is what they are driving you towards. They need to own up to their fears and give you a chance to prove them wrong.
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Post by Ko'an Noi on Sept 19, 2008 7:17:34 GMT -5
When I was a kid we used to have a saying. (awful english was common in my cotton mill town Jr. High, so this is terrible english) but the saying is, "Can't never could do nothing." It's a weird phrase, but it about attitude. If you see the situation is hopless, if you don't try to communicate with someone, if you don't keep trying, then it is all over. I know.... I just haven't felt or seen any opportune times to do so, because we're always under stress Well, I can't go until at least after highschool. After that, I guess it's a matter of wehre I go to college... I mean, I don't have a problem with some rules, I expect that. But all the rules are starting to get on my nerves. And I think what's compounding the whole situation is that, in highschool, I'm a junior. Which means almost all of my friends are 16,17,18, and 19 year olds. And becasue of this (I personally feel) my maturity level is [waaaaayyy above my age. Which makes everything worse, becasue my parents aren't seeing that in relation to kids at school and even outside of school, I'm a 17/18 year old by maturity, they only see me as their 15 year old daughter who is trying to buck the saddle and shake the reins. hm. That's interesting how it worked both ways. Tell me about it. I went out on a two hour bike ride yesterday, by myself, and it felt so good to get out of the house. .... I've always invisioned my mom as an uptight, staright-laced, straight-A student (she was a straight A student). I'm amazed she ever dated. :lol: And I've been brought up/ I know on my own that these are bad. My uncle was addicted to drugs. I've seen what alcohol can do (not to mention i can't stand the smell/taste/ feeling that it gives me). And sex is WAY out of the question. I have an intention on getting through school without having to deal with a child. It would just be too much of a work load trying to balance school, child, job, and whatever else may be. I know. And that's what makes this hard. I will. I just need to find a good time to do so. I've done Habitat for Humanity before. I loved it. All the tools, construction, and feeling of community between all the workers and the families we were building them for. Yup. Viva la revolucion! :lol: Nah. They'd go out of their way to do so. Ooh, goody. ^-^ Thankees. :lol:
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Post by KG on Sept 20, 2008 0:21:01 GMT -5
Why is there so much stress? That sounds so much more sensible. It would be 100 times more difficult to go to college without their help or at least co-operation. Especially at your young age. It sounds like they expect a lot from you, but they have your best interest at heart. I am fairly sure of that now. Many girls seem mature at your age, and on until they are 18. I was one of those. I remember my teachers were always saying I was mature beyond my years and that sort of thing, but I really got an education once I got out of my parent's control. Right now you are bucking the saddle of a very nice plastic rocking horse, which your parents bought for you. I can tell you right now that when you do saddle your very own horse, that bronking buck will show you how mature you really are. You won't really know how mature you are till you get your car, your first apartment, your first power bill and so on. I speak from experience when I say that it is easy to be mature when you are being controled, protected and you haven't really experienced a lot of things that are within your control. It is very normal that you feel this way. I think most people do at some point between the ages of 15 and 18. Then when you are 19 or 20, and suddenly find yourself having to deal with a broken down car on the freeway, you know what you do? You call your dad. What do you do when the power bill is due and you just lost your job? You call your dad. When you are putting together your first bookcase and find out they didn't include the hardware, you call your dad. Later when your husband brings home fresh green beans and you can't figure out what in the heck to do with them, and can't imagine why after boiling them for more than two hours they aren't done... you call your mom. When you do finally have a child and it won't stop crying, you call your mom... and you keep calling your mom and dad, for years and years. Then one day you get a call from them, and they need your help... and you keep getting those calls for years and years... until finally they are gone, and then you start thinking of questions and there is no one there to answer you, except a memory that you try to pull up, and figure out what would daddy say. I'm in that place now, and I can tell you that when that day comes you will miss them. It does work both ways, and it should. Parents need their children, just as their children need them. Parents have kids for a reason, though some of us do it accidentally, there is still a purpose and a sort of instinctive need that is filled. In simpler times it was OK to admit that you had 7 sons to do the farm work, and three daughters to help with the cooking, canning, and churning. Now days, there isn't a farm, and no one churns their own butter. It is very unfair to children though that this is true. Just as the Chinese sweat shops have put American industrial workers out of their jobs, so did the move from agrarian life to industrial, and finally this screwed up service economy, put kids out of their jobs. Suddenly parents were ashamed to say they needed their kids, and the chores went out of fashion. Next thing you know, if you expect your kid to take out the cat box, and clean up the kitchen you are being abusive. It is an insane world that now teaches that kids shouldn't have their bottoms swatted for misbehavior, and that kids do not have a responsiblity to their parents, but ONLY the other way around. That parents have to give and give, only to be kicked in the teeth and can't fight back. That isn't right. Still parents do need their kids, and most of us could use help getting things done. Some of us are too proud to ask... but I am not one of those. There is nothing wrong with people of any age doing some work, and being apprecated for that. Instead this artificial situation has come about, that seperates families, and pulls the kids out of the home. I don't think that is an accident by the way. It is a plot... a government plot! The family unit needs to be strong, and kids need to be part of that team. That should come first. I will say this, that being a parent at any time in history was difficult and complex, but modern life is very confusing for parents. There are so many EXPERTS out there, many who don't even have children, who try to force us to raise kids as spoiled brats. In practice though parents are still busy and selfish, and totally not the perfect model of what a parent is SUPPOSED to be 24/7. All of us make mistakes, because it is a 24/7 job, and no one can work constantly. No one can be anyone other than themselves constantly, and no one can keep up the idiotic standards the EXPERTS place on us. We all fall short somewhere. Kids by nature have unrealistic expectation, and so do parents. Everyone wants their kids to be perfect, but kids want their parents to be perfect too, and they measure us by standards that aren't even healthy, and wouldn't be good for them, if we gave in. LOL I used to go sit on the back step in the afternoons to get rid of mom. She sunburns easily, and I am almost impervious to sun. 15 minutes and she had to go in the house or she'd blister. I could stay out for hours. It was the only rest from her I got on some days. I know parents can be suffocating, and my mom still is at times. She calls me every day, just so I know she is OK and alive and all. She usually talks for over an hour, and then calls me again, sometimes up to four times a day. I have to go over there at least one day a week and stay 8 hours, and some weeks it is two or three days. I can never get out with less than four hours. You will always have a responsiblity to your parents, even when you are old, until they die you have a responsiblity to them. Some people do not live up to that responsiblity, and I see old people who's kids have moved away, and it isn't fair. We all have a responsiblity to our kids, and to our parents, and sometimes we get caught in that squeeze to. I know I did. Small children, and elderly parents are a tough see saw to balance, and you end up in the middle not moving at all... just caught. I am pretty sure my mom was too... but not all of us parents are just cause some of them claim to be. Personally I don't lie to my kids, but most do. Not saying yours is, but you never know. Some of my stupid friends drink and smoke weed and don't think their kids know. When the kids were little they'd shuffle them off to bed early, or make them play away from the party, but how long do you think those kids were fooled? It is stupid, and then of course when the kids got bigger they gave them all that propaganda about saying no to drugs with a straight face. I could never lie like that. I'd be afraid of getting hit by lightning or something. I have no doubt that your uncle plays a large part in your parent's thinking. You can't watch an addict without getting parinoid of the substance. It is an awful thing to watch a loved one go through. That's right. Your parents love you, and they want to be good parents. It sounds like they are in a lot of ways. They must want you to go to college. They are concerned with your grades, and want you to learn. They aren't just letting you run wild on the streets since you were six or seven like some parents do. Believe me, lazy parents are the ones who send their little kids out to play in the morning, and don't look for them till evening. Good parents do know where their children are. They have to. That said, I do know what it is like to be the only kid who's mom won't let them go out. I know what it is like to be paged at a resturant at age 17, and be told to come home immediately. I know what it is like for my mom to go to my grade school every year, and explain to all my teachers, that I can't play outside if it is under 55 degrees outside... ever. Yes it can be a pain in the butt. It makes you feel different to your friends, and it gives an opening for mean people to pick on you. Maybe you can negotiate, but I never had a lot of success with it. It is so difficult, and parents who don't go with the generally accepted system, of sending the kids outside, or carting them off to the roller rink and to every other possible potential palm off place, seem mean. It sounds like fun that 12 year old Sally gets left at the roller rink till midnight two days a week, but it isnt' safe. It seems so unfair that Chris gets to ride his bike up and down the streets all day, and you can't go next door. As a parent though I can tell you what Sally and Chris's parents are doing at home, and why those kids are at the roller rink and out riding their bikes. I know quite a few families like that, but I'll just tell you about the one I am thinking of. Sally and Chris's dad is out getting drunk, and their mom is nuts. Their older brother is having a party at the house, and his mom is bearing witness to 16-20 year old drunken extacy users. She is joining in the party, and having a blast. The Dad is at a fancy bar, wasting all the money, so that there won't be groceries. He's snorting lines of cocaine, even though he is a 45 year old business executive who should know better. At 10 PM little Chris comes home, to a drunken orgy. At midnight, mom forgets all about Sally, who has to bum a ride home. Dad comes home, to the party, and gets ticked because his house is full of drunken teens, and the police get called out for a domestic disturbance. When they get there, Dad is cussing mom out, and beating the heck out of his oldest son. By the way in this family, there was a divorce... Sally didn't finish high school, even though she was college material, because her mom wouldn't get up and take her to school. She is however the only one of the kids who is working. She's supporting her dad, and two brothers. Be thankful for what you have. IT could be a lot worse. OK That is wonderful. It is very good to do things like that. As for the rest of this. There are two sides to everything, and there are a lot of extremes in all directions now days. I'm not saying that all parents who let their kids go to the roller rink are home doing extacy and Cocaine, but you can bet some of them are. It isn't fair to compare your concerned parents to parents like that, because you don't know what goes on in other people's homes. There are down sides to every family, and some are of course worse than others. I am not saying that you should just follow every rule and bow down to their most unreasonable requests. You have to show resistance, or you will never get to stick your nose out of the front door again. AT the same time, you have to understand that they are concerned for your welfare, and no you aren't as grown up as all that at 15. You shouldn't be. You are still just barely old enough to date, and really not quite. Chronological age is important in that way, and it has nothing to do with the kind of maturity you are talking about having. There are a lot of different kinds of maturity, and being 15... well there are just some situations you aren't completely ready for, no matter how smart you are. Sure I think you could handle a standard date... the dinner and/or a movie kind of date where you get a peck on the cheek at the end of the night. You don't need to be hanging with a whole group of kids, for hours on end. You don't need to be going to the guy's house, unless his parents are there and you came specifically to meet them. I know some people do, but I can see where your parents have a right to say no to that. In general it is a learning curve, not so much maturity but a gradual building of experience. That is what is important. If you never get any experience, then you will always be the same as you are now at 15. On the other hand if they just let go suddenly, you could get into trouble. I'm not just talking about sex and drugs here. You never know what might happen. It is never the things you expect to happen that get you into trouble. It is the weird out of nowhere stuff, that someone in your group decides to do on a goof, that totally gets out of hand. It's the time the car breaks down in the middle of the interstate. Its the time a cop pulls you over, even though you haven't done anything wrong, and he decides to try to rape you. It's the time that some stranger comes up and starts saying crazy stuff to you or your group, and someone throws a punch. It is the time your female buddy decides to pick up a stranger. It is the time that your date wants you to hang out with his buddies and one of them starts making moves on you. It is these things that require a gradual incline of experience. You have to learn how to handle yourself in insane situations. No matter how old you are, you need to develop a way of getting out of this kind of mess... or better yet a way of seeing trouble coming and avoiding it. It isn't all about just saying no, it is about forseeing problems before they occur, and being able to react correctly to problems you didn't see coming. No one is born knowing how to handle things like that, so it is best to start out with the little dates with a trusted guy, and outings with a sensible trusted friend, and build to more and more interesting senerios, and to draw the line yourself when things get too interesting. I was never good at the latter, but I wish you better luck than I. I was always in it for the experience, and I has some bizzare ones, but the main thing is to be able to deal with whatever happens. The main times I ever did things I shouldn't have were either A when I was alone with a guy for hours with nothing planned to do, and B when I was with a group of 4 or more people. In a group of people you sometimes get outvoted on what the group will be doing, and you get pressured into doing stuff you would have never done otherwise. It is hard when you aren't the one driving also. Here is a tip. Once you start driving, be the one to drive if you have any questions about what the rest of the people will be doing. It is much safer than riding with drunks, and it does give you the ultimate say in where you go. If they want to go somewhere you don't want to go, then you can say NO much easier if it is your car and you are driving.
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