I'm sure your mom is going through a lot, and believe me being a mom isn't easy, and with your grandma still living, she is a mom and a daughter, and sometimes that is just... well a lot harder than you can imagine. Balancing relationships between your kids and your mom... Balancing yourself, between your kids and your mom... it is like being in the middle of a generation gap... and sometimes you get stretched and sometimes you get pinched, as these people alaternately pull and pressure.
She is also facing a very dangerous disease. She is in pain, and I can tell you that most everyone gets bitchy when they are in pain for a long period of time. Lately my mom, my husband, and my oldest daughter all have various pains which make them all bitchy, even though they have totally different personalities. Believe me I feel like I am surounded by rabid pit bulls on some days.
She's only drinking wine, which helps her cancer, at least three glasses of wine a day with or before meals to help her appititie during chemo. Plus wine does not have a high alcohol content. It does calm her nerves, and help ease the pain though. It potentiates her pain pills... this means makes them stronger. That can be dangerous, IF her doctor is unaware of her drinking wine, and SHE does not understand her meds, but she probably knows what she is doing.
The pain pills are also just part of dealing with cancer and chemo. In short drinking in moderation, and taking her pain meds, is OK... and from what you have said, she is not IMO abusing the alcohol, it is harder to say about the pills, but probably not.
YOU need to accept that your mom is doing what she needs to, in order to survive and manage her pain, and deal with the situation. Most wine is not strong, and it is not as unhealthy as most alcohol's. Some doctors recomend red wine for cancer patients. Elderberry wine especially replentishes blood cells, and gives a lot of vitimins and trace elements which help increase appitite, and a lot of things that would help her get through chemo... even red grape wine is good for that, but elderberry is the best. At any rate nagging about it will not help her. Everyone nags me about smoking... for some reason they think it will make me want to quit, but believe me it doesn't. It is mostly just irritating, and being irritated makes smokers want to smoke, drinkers want to drink, and it probably makes herion addicts want an extra fix.
Generally if your mom isn't going through a fifth of Liquor a day, or a case of beer a day, or drinking numerous bottles of wine a day, she's doing pretty well under the circumstances. I'd call it use not abuse at this point. IF WINE is helping her deal then it's not hurting anything.
I know it is no fun to have a mom who is zoned out on pain meds and alcohol, but it is no fun to have your mom in pain either. Attitude is very important to cancer patients. Knowing people care, keeping a positive attitude, laughing and being happy, and not just emersing yourself in the misery of what is wrong, are all key to surviving cancer. Quitting drinking just isn't. Now if she had heart disease, or strokes... I'd be with you. She'd probably need to quit drinking. If she was drinking a lot of hard liquor, I'd be concerned, but wine is not likely to hurt her, unless she is drinking a huge amount of it. Stop worrying about her drinking, and try to cheer her up. Rent some comedy movies, she would like, or make jokes, create a happy atmosphere in the home. Be available to talk about whatever she needs to talk about, but try not to let her get morbid. Give her a chance to express herself, but if it gets depressing try to cheer her up. These are the things that will help.
Humor is the best medicine, especially for your mom though, though everyone will benefit. Tell your mom some jokes too, but preferably not ones she is the butt of. LOL
$32,000 is a lot of money but if she can't pay it, the hospital will still probably do it, and then you can just owe them. Most hospitals are accustomed to absorbing things like that... and it really doesn't cost them $16,000. Medical care is all about profit now days, the hospital robs the insurance company, and the company robs others for premiums, but they will take less or none... Generally, once it is over tell them the insurance didn't pay, and they will take a LOT less. If you have nothing, they will take ten or twenty dollars a month in most cases, cut your bill to a forth, or just absorb the cost. There are laws and hospital regulations, to protect you in most cases.
It is more vital that she stay optimistic than that she gets chemo, so keep her optimistic.
He doesn't stand a chance of fooling God, or the laws of Karma. I'll tell you that much. He may have his community fooled, and whoever else, he talks to, but there are forces which will make his life a miserable hell. I've watched people like him, and they always get what is comming to them eventually.
It is christians like that, which make me hesitate before answering people who ask if I am Christian. I always feel like saying yes, but not like those other kind.
It is good to let it out. I don't mind you complaining, and no one else here does either. Keep your mom happy, and let us have all your complaints.
Well she is a brave lady, and I hope she gets better soon. I am sorry to hear about her hair, but it will grow back. Maybe she could get a wig?
Yes, and that means a lot. Your mom is the one who will always care and stick by you. So stick by her now. Be there for her when she needs you. Be her best friend. That will help her a lot. Maybe that is why your best freind left, from that bigger picture view, so that you would bond tightly with your mom.
So are you feeling better now? I am just glad they got it in time.
Venting is good, and you have to do it somewhere. I am glad you chose here. It is the safe place to vent.