Post by KG on Sept 29, 2006 21:03:50 GMT -5
Just watched Clive Barker's the Plague. Normally I'd be writing this to myself on word, but since my word program is on the fritz, along with over half of my computer, I guess I'll share what is going on in my mind. when you read this remember that I am 45, so my perspective is from that age, the age of your parents, or maybe in some cases more like your grandparents.
I was just thinking how we've raised our kids with the idea that something is going to go horribly wrong when we all least expect it. I don't know why we did that, except our parents expected something. Something they whispered about and were not open about at all. That cold war thing really worried them. They also remembered the depression, and poverty we cannot imagine.
I remember how things were when I was a kid, and thinking on that, maybe something has gone wrong already, only it wasn't sudden, and we did expect it... one tiny step at a time.
I remember when I was little there was this feeling. Like being safe, and knowing everybody I talked to. I remember growing up on a farm, in a world where teenagers went to 4-H meetings, and picked up hay for a little extra money. My parents had one car between them back then. There was no airconditioning till I was 8 or 10, other than in grocery stores, and that seemed so weird. You'd go in barefoot as a kid, wearing shorts and it was so hot outside, and then in no time you'd be freezing. You'd go back out and it actually felt good. There were no clothes driers either till I was about 8 or 10, and women would hang out their sheets on the clothes line, along with all the other clothes. Mom and dad had a garden, and dad farmed for a living. He farmed and a few other farmers farmed thousands of acres of land, not just their own but any property they could rent the use of. All that land is now under housing developments for the most part, but in those days you could look across a golden field ripe with grain that seemed to go on forever, at least to the eyes of a child. I used to walk in the woods, and go quail hunting and dove hunting with my dad. I remember church Easter Egg hunts, and for all their stuffy silence in church there was a lot of security in that church yard on the Saturday before Easter.
There were things I knew as a child. I knew that someone would always want me, and always love me. I knew that no matter what my dad would stick by my crazy mom, and he would never leave, and neither would she. They hardly ever fought, and the few times they did. It marked me. I remember one fight really. I mean out of the whole time I was growing up I only remember one time they locked me out of the house and yelled at each other. I guess that one time scared me for life... but what about kids now. I mean their parents yell... I know my husband and I used to fight pretty often, though now it is better. At that we've done better than most. We are still together.
My grandparents were always close, and I remember my grandpa's stories about his childhood and young adult years. He was born in 1900. He told me about ice cream suppers, and get togethers at the church and at people's houses. He said it was a shame that people didn't visit each other anymore much. I remember my other grandma telling me about the great depression. They were about 14 years younger than my paternal grandparents, and they got married during the great depression. They had nothing but an old shack with no furniture, except a straw mattress bed. My grandfather's dad gave them a cow and a few chickens, and that was it. From that my maternal grandpa made his fortune. Well it might not have been a fortune, but it was pretty impressive considering where he started. LOL
My mom told me a story about her dad once, that he heard that some people from out of state had a car accident and one was hurt, and the others stranded in town with no money a wrecked car, and no where to stay. He didn't know the people, but he went to the hospital and picked up the whole family and brought them home. He let them stay in his house, and took care of them till they were able to go back home. The world just isn't like that anymore.
As we talk about the fall of the veil, end time senerios, and watch horror movies about zombie plagues, and giant asteroids hitting our planet, I have to wonder... what could be worse than this deadening emptiness that we call life? Sure we have all kinds of stuff. We have cars and TV's and computers, but there is a certain weirdness to our lives that our forefathers didn't have. It seems the inocence is gone, and there is no trust.
We lost our sense of community, only to find it again on the internet. Thank God for the internet, but at the same time, maybe we should get out more. I don't know. I just know that my grandfather was stronger than my father, and that my father was stronger than I. I worked hard to raise my dauthers to be strong, and to expect something horrible might happen at a moment's notice. I gave them love, but maybe not so much security, because by then I knew that any sense of security I could give them was a lie, and I have never lied to my kids.
From my POV I wish the early sixties had continued, and 80's had never happened, much less the stuff that happened after that. That somehow the farming community would have pulled through, and the price of grain had sky rocketed. I wish that people still lived on little farms, and had a little money and a lot of values. I wish that none of this other stuff was happening. I wish money grubbing doctors would fade away, and that my Grandma's doctor still saw after my health. I wish the country store was still open. I wish I could go and hang out at the garage with my mechanic, instead of being shoved off in a little room while they work on my car.
My uncle still farms the land outside my window, and if he didn't I think I would go insane. My familie's fourty acres, and his sixty or so, across the road isn't a lot, but it is something. It's all that is left really. Our barn has fallen into ruin, and the tractors in the tractor sheds aren't ours. We got a new mower though... It is just depresssing. I know farming isn't the answer, but I still miss it. I miss that sense of security, and hope for the future. I miss the comfort of being little in a world of big people who looked after me. I don't know why things seem so ugly now, but they just do, compared to the way things were.
Maybe things will get better. Maybe people will start to really care about others again. It could be that the community will grow back, but as I look at my neighbors, I know I will never feel close to them again. I listen to my parents talk about people I don't even know anymore. I have been here the whole time, but I hardly recognize them. They are all so old, and the people my age just don't care for each other that much. We are busy and we work alot. I see my favorite cousin once a year at Christmas, even though he only lives three houses down, yet I see him no more often than I do my cousins who live 300 miles away. It makes no sense, but that is how it is. I see his son once in a while, so that is something.
I don't know where this is going, I dont' know what I am trying to say, except that the world is dying. Not because the veil is falling, or because some astreroid might hit the planet. Not even cause we have a crazy president, who wants to blow up half the world... though that doesn't help. No none of that is what I really really fear. What I really fear is that people will become more and more cold and isolated. That we will all become hard to the sufferings of others, and that we will look the other way one to many times. I worry that nothing will be important to us anymore.
Just ramblings really....
I was just thinking how we've raised our kids with the idea that something is going to go horribly wrong when we all least expect it. I don't know why we did that, except our parents expected something. Something they whispered about and were not open about at all. That cold war thing really worried them. They also remembered the depression, and poverty we cannot imagine.
I remember how things were when I was a kid, and thinking on that, maybe something has gone wrong already, only it wasn't sudden, and we did expect it... one tiny step at a time.
I remember when I was little there was this feeling. Like being safe, and knowing everybody I talked to. I remember growing up on a farm, in a world where teenagers went to 4-H meetings, and picked up hay for a little extra money. My parents had one car between them back then. There was no airconditioning till I was 8 or 10, other than in grocery stores, and that seemed so weird. You'd go in barefoot as a kid, wearing shorts and it was so hot outside, and then in no time you'd be freezing. You'd go back out and it actually felt good. There were no clothes driers either till I was about 8 or 10, and women would hang out their sheets on the clothes line, along with all the other clothes. Mom and dad had a garden, and dad farmed for a living. He farmed and a few other farmers farmed thousands of acres of land, not just their own but any property they could rent the use of. All that land is now under housing developments for the most part, but in those days you could look across a golden field ripe with grain that seemed to go on forever, at least to the eyes of a child. I used to walk in the woods, and go quail hunting and dove hunting with my dad. I remember church Easter Egg hunts, and for all their stuffy silence in church there was a lot of security in that church yard on the Saturday before Easter.
There were things I knew as a child. I knew that someone would always want me, and always love me. I knew that no matter what my dad would stick by my crazy mom, and he would never leave, and neither would she. They hardly ever fought, and the few times they did. It marked me. I remember one fight really. I mean out of the whole time I was growing up I only remember one time they locked me out of the house and yelled at each other. I guess that one time scared me for life... but what about kids now. I mean their parents yell... I know my husband and I used to fight pretty often, though now it is better. At that we've done better than most. We are still together.
My grandparents were always close, and I remember my grandpa's stories about his childhood and young adult years. He was born in 1900. He told me about ice cream suppers, and get togethers at the church and at people's houses. He said it was a shame that people didn't visit each other anymore much. I remember my other grandma telling me about the great depression. They were about 14 years younger than my paternal grandparents, and they got married during the great depression. They had nothing but an old shack with no furniture, except a straw mattress bed. My grandfather's dad gave them a cow and a few chickens, and that was it. From that my maternal grandpa made his fortune. Well it might not have been a fortune, but it was pretty impressive considering where he started. LOL
My mom told me a story about her dad once, that he heard that some people from out of state had a car accident and one was hurt, and the others stranded in town with no money a wrecked car, and no where to stay. He didn't know the people, but he went to the hospital and picked up the whole family and brought them home. He let them stay in his house, and took care of them till they were able to go back home. The world just isn't like that anymore.
As we talk about the fall of the veil, end time senerios, and watch horror movies about zombie plagues, and giant asteroids hitting our planet, I have to wonder... what could be worse than this deadening emptiness that we call life? Sure we have all kinds of stuff. We have cars and TV's and computers, but there is a certain weirdness to our lives that our forefathers didn't have. It seems the inocence is gone, and there is no trust.
We lost our sense of community, only to find it again on the internet. Thank God for the internet, but at the same time, maybe we should get out more. I don't know. I just know that my grandfather was stronger than my father, and that my father was stronger than I. I worked hard to raise my dauthers to be strong, and to expect something horrible might happen at a moment's notice. I gave them love, but maybe not so much security, because by then I knew that any sense of security I could give them was a lie, and I have never lied to my kids.
From my POV I wish the early sixties had continued, and 80's had never happened, much less the stuff that happened after that. That somehow the farming community would have pulled through, and the price of grain had sky rocketed. I wish that people still lived on little farms, and had a little money and a lot of values. I wish that none of this other stuff was happening. I wish money grubbing doctors would fade away, and that my Grandma's doctor still saw after my health. I wish the country store was still open. I wish I could go and hang out at the garage with my mechanic, instead of being shoved off in a little room while they work on my car.
My uncle still farms the land outside my window, and if he didn't I think I would go insane. My familie's fourty acres, and his sixty or so, across the road isn't a lot, but it is something. It's all that is left really. Our barn has fallen into ruin, and the tractors in the tractor sheds aren't ours. We got a new mower though... It is just depresssing. I know farming isn't the answer, but I still miss it. I miss that sense of security, and hope for the future. I miss the comfort of being little in a world of big people who looked after me. I don't know why things seem so ugly now, but they just do, compared to the way things were.
Maybe things will get better. Maybe people will start to really care about others again. It could be that the community will grow back, but as I look at my neighbors, I know I will never feel close to them again. I listen to my parents talk about people I don't even know anymore. I have been here the whole time, but I hardly recognize them. They are all so old, and the people my age just don't care for each other that much. We are busy and we work alot. I see my favorite cousin once a year at Christmas, even though he only lives three houses down, yet I see him no more often than I do my cousins who live 300 miles away. It makes no sense, but that is how it is. I see his son once in a while, so that is something.
I don't know where this is going, I dont' know what I am trying to say, except that the world is dying. Not because the veil is falling, or because some astreroid might hit the planet. Not even cause we have a crazy president, who wants to blow up half the world... though that doesn't help. No none of that is what I really really fear. What I really fear is that people will become more and more cold and isolated. That we will all become hard to the sufferings of others, and that we will look the other way one to many times. I worry that nothing will be important to us anymore.
Just ramblings really....