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Post by stonerwolf on May 27, 2010 15:10:32 GMT -5
my every dream has been utterly crushed and stripped from me, i am deprived of any choices that can lead to opportunities to make my dreams come true; i have no reason to participate in this masochistic game anymore.
I need help either regaining purpose in my life, or ending it once and for all.
I dont need to hear any bawwing about suicide, stuff it. i've considered everything, all the people who claim to care about me will never be able to afford TO care for me, nor can i ever afford to care for another, so all hope is lost for me.
The last dream i ever had, the only goal left to chase died. my will to live with it.
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Post by KG on May 27, 2010 15:48:23 GMT -5
Live, die or continue to vegitate? Doesn't seem like much of a brain twister to me... and yet I've felt that feeling before. The obvious choice is to pick yourself up dust yourself off, and DO something. The worst thing for people is inaction... I was reading yesterday that on a stupid work at home scam ad I read and it is very true. The longer you are not doing anything positive, the harder it is to motivate, but you are the one who has to break the cycle of doing nothing, and just floating. There is a limit to how long you can rest in the valley of indecision... indecisiveness, and negativity. You've stretched that to it's limits... and past what most people would find bearable.
You could have done something, and you can still do something... you could get a pell and go to school. You could get a job. You could clean up your life and start fresh. Or you can continue to feel sorry for yourself. It's your choice, and as I said for most people it's a no brainer. I know you have your morals and standards, but they are all mixed, with modern ideals and very ancient vows of poverty. None of them are congruent, and even seperately they are too confining. I suggest you sort through your beliefs, and get them to make sense.... then do something that you can make work. You have no plan so make one. Become something YOU can be proud of. Your morals so far are no more than a list of things you CAN"T do. Make a list of things you can do, want to do. You can't loose your dreams till you have some... so make some dreams and make those come true. That's all you can do.
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Post by stonerwolf on May 27, 2010 17:50:32 GMT -5
without guidance and a direction to put my efforts to build my life in a way that achieves my goals, i have no power.
without interdependence, we are all lost and confused. blind leading the blind.
Regardless of all the THINGS i can do, there is nothing i can do to better my life or improve my conditions.
The improvements are only surface deep and contribute more to the underlying problems.
we've discussed this before in an endless circle, and i have no reason to continue arguing.
Life is what we, as a whole, make of it. and no one in the whole is working with me to make my life and dreams a reality, therefore i have nothing left to live for.
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Post by stonerwolf on May 27, 2010 17:53:53 GMT -5
i am desperately searching, seeking, and finding only lectures about how it's all my own fault, and no one can do anything about it but me, no one willing to lend a hand or put in an effort, only words, and more words, and words on top of words on top of more words.
Usually telling me to go out and do, but never guiding me, never giving an example. the internet is no help, it's just words.
Even craigs list fails to find people who can help.
Cant find a hippie community for hte life of me, cant find a ride to my "adopted" family in california, cant get ahold of any resoruces to take care of myself, and cant have access to them without paying people who think they have the right or necessity to monopolize and distribute these resources.
No one is willing to revolt against a government that owns everything and lets you do essentially whatever you want as long as you work for the money to do it. everyone who works to buy up resources and land are traitors to freedom and can constitutionally be hanged, but no one in america is smart enough to figure out how to do it successfully, myself included.
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Post by stonerwolf on May 27, 2010 18:18:59 GMT -5
without someone to look to for guidance, to lean on when i cant move forward on my own, to talk to and to comfort, and be comforted by, there is no point in waking up in the morning.
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Post by KG on May 28, 2010 18:28:52 GMT -5
Guidance is everywhere, but yes it's usually in the form of words... What else is there? If you want actions though, there are many ready examples... but you aren't listening... because guidance doesn't tell you what you want to hear. There are many things in society that I do not agree with, and many things you don't agree with, and everyone on earth has a different set of pet peeves about all sorts of things, but the fact is that everyone's list is different. Other people have a right to like the things about society that you hate. Many people can't accept that. You seem to be one of them, and then I have my religious nut friends who disaprove of movies, and music, and most fun things. Thank God you that neither you or them rule the world. While your morals tell you it is wrong to work for a paycheck, wrong to make an honest living in any way, whether it is traditional or non traditional... my morals tell me that people who are worth a shit, work earn a paycheck, and support themselves and their families. IDK how this can be, but MOST people feel that it is their duty and obligation to provide for their own needs, and also to help those in need by working. IDK why your morals tell you otherwise, but there is historical precident for MONKS, NUNS, and PRIESTS in various cultures to live in HOLY poverty. To my knowledge the only precident to deliberate poverty, is monastic life. Priests, Nuns, Monks, which are Catholic Buddhist and a few other religions, stay single and work in a co-operative and celebate group. No children are brought forth therefore they are free to serve God, and mankind with their benevolent works. Personally I do not believe that Celebacy is necessary, or even healthy, but that is the only historical framework for holy poverty, which I also see as unnecessary. In general holy poverty, and celebacy are next to impossible, and lead to hypocracy... and I see hypocracy in your situation, not because you aren't serious about it. Obviously you are. You've given up some good stuff over it, but I see it as a negative, and not working... you aren't able to live by your own rules no matter how hard you try because they are too confining. You are shackled by your own morals, which really make no sense... they are a hodgepodge of hippy values, new aged ideals, trangender culture, the sacred values of capuchian monks, and most oddly, including some of the more bizzare aspects of pornography and sexual deviancy. You include anti human speach in which you want to kill off the human race... and really David have you ever written it down, all in one place like an outline and looked at it... it's a mess and it makes no sense, but you don't realize it cause you keep it all in your head. You spout different and divergent ideas on different occasions, which really conflict with each other. IDK... none of it makes sense, or is remotely possible... especially when you combine all your rules. YOU have in essence created your own religion, and really everyone does, but yours is so diverse, and bizzare, that I don't see how anyone can agree with you on everything. I agree with you on a few things, and some Catholics might agree on others. Some kinky guy on a porn site might agree on some others, but when it comes down to it, me the Catholics, and the kinky people agree on very little if anything. YOu can't make a hodge podge of conflicting values work... especially if you are going to be legalistic about all the rules, and scream anarchy at the same time. Rules and Anarchy are mutually exclusive. Either you have one or the other, you can't have both. People are interdependent, but you refuse the medium by which we are interdependent and connected. It's like you want to form your own society, but society already exists... you don't want to play because you want to change the rules to suit you, and no one else. You are the one not co-operating with interdependence, because of your cash phobia. No one agrees with EVERYTHING someone else thinks... especially not you, because your beliefs are diverse. Anyone holy enough to agree to holy poverty, also believes in either celebacy or at most monogomy... NO ONE in their right mind want humanity exterminated. In general most all people want to perpetuate their family's welfare by means of the monatary system. Most everyone wants a TV, a sofa and a house... most would also like a kitchen of some sort and an indoor toilet. You cannot get these things without money. Cash is the system you resist, but it is the instrument of survival in our society. There is plenty you can do, but your moral code prevents it, and it would take a creative genius to work around all your personal rules, and still come up with something you could do without offending your sensibilities. Most people in that situation bend. The religious person will steal to feed his children, if it's that or starvation. The banker will imbezzle to keep his son from being murdered by bookies. most people have a breaking point, and the rest are Myrtars... and you are a Myrtar for a cause no one understands except you... but you are the most complaining myrtar I have ever heard of. Which improvements? I know... nothing makes sense. All you have to do is get a job, and work it, earn a check, and buy what you need. I see nothing wrong with that and neither does anyone else, except you. If you can't do that you should join a monestary forget any conflicting values with that and become a good buddhist or catholic. Short of that... there's nothing. A more accurate way of saying it is that YOU are not working with anyone else. Everyone else is working together, but you don't want to play anyone's game but your own... and everyone else thinks your game is stupid. When one is in that situation one either plays their own game alone, or they decide to play the game everyone else is playing... or at least the game SOMEONE else is playing. In order to work with others there has to be a common cause. Your cause is a hodge podge of disagreeing concepts, that no one can relate to. No one can form a group with those principles because there are so many things in it that scream crazy... so many things that most people find taboo, strange and bizzare that most everyone would red flag something in your ideals and beliefs. In the end words are all we are left with. People have put up more, only to find that agreeing with you only leads fruther down the rabbit hole to something we can't agree with. As for me I can't agree with any of it. That doesn't mean I don't like you, only that I find you unflexable, about every notion that crosses your brain. You won't work with people and compromise, and frankly neither will I on the very issues you find so important, I have opposite values that do not agree. I can respect your right to have an opinion, but that only goes so far when you try to work with someone. Your ideas prevent success or progress of any kind. Thus you are predicably not making any headway... your rules proclude survival, by any means other than pure charity, and thus success or acomplishment is a bad thing??? How can anyone help someone do nothing to perpetuate their lives? It's a catch 22. YOU refuse to be helped. Here is a picture of what Poverty is. ONLY MONEY and WORK and MONEY EARNED can fix these problems. MONEY is not the cause of them... this is the natural thing that happens. Here is a link to what poverty is. YOU are suffering from poverty, but unlike the little guy above, YOU have a choice. He's a baby, and if given half the chance he'd switch with you and go get a job. HE could and he would... any body could and would. You've had chances and you blew them... but that's not the point. You have a chance now... and all you have to do is take it, or else you can go the way of this poor little fellow who DOESN"T have a choice. filipspagnoli.wordpress.com/2008/05/06/poverty/Ideas come in words and pictures. That's all there is. I hope this time you understand the concept put forth in pictures and words. No one can help you till you decide to help yourself... or at least agree to accept help. WE'd all be more than willing to help you find a job. I could pull up job lists in Oregon. We'd all help you to get a pell grant and go to community college, and then transfer to a four year. We'd all help you to get a killer scholarship off your hearing disability. WE'd even be willing to find someone who would give you free counciling... or even try to find you a free shrink that could maybe get through to you that you have created all your own problems with these silly rules you made up. OMG Stoner, there are hundreds of communes on the west coast. You can most certainly find one. People have every right to the fruit of their labor. People can't give everything away to people who will not work, because nothing would exist without work... Well nothing but dirt grass and trees anyway. People who build or buy trains have a right to use those trains. People who buy cars with their hard earned money have a right to decide where they go in them and why. The government doens't own everything... but aside from that no one else has a problem with freedom or income or spending. No one else is stupid enough to want to hang hard working people and pretend that NOT working is a virtue. People who work are not the problem. People who work are the solution at least to their own problems, and those who give some portion to charities are part of your solution. Without someone working and giving you things, you'd have even less than you do now. You turn down guidance and thumb your nose at those who help... you want to hang everyone who ever helped you for working to earn the money to help you with... now is that logical? If you can't move forward it's because you are too hung up in stupid rules to function. I am sorry about that, but there is nothing else holding you back... just your own morality issues. Sort through them, and get rid of some. Then you will find a way to proceed.
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Post by Del on May 29, 2010 1:53:43 GMT -5
i am desperately searching, seeking, and finding only lectures about how it's all my own fault, and no one can do anything about it but me, no one willing to lend a hand or put in an effort, only words, and more words, and words on top of words on top of more words. Usually telling me to go out and do, but never guiding me, never giving an example. the internet is no help, it's just words. Even craigs list fails to find people who can help. Cant find a hippie community for hte life of me, cant find a ride to my "adopted" family in california, cant get ahold of any resoruces to take care of myself, and cant have access to them without paying people who think they have the right or necessity to monopolize and distribute these resources. No one is willing to revolt against a government that owns everything and lets you do essentially whatever you want as long as you work for the money to do it. everyone who works to buy up resources and land are traitors to freedom and can constitutionally be hanged, but no one in america is smart enough to figure out how to do it successfully, myself included. I haven't read all of what Kim has posted in response to this. As a Life Coach, I have one question: How do you choose to choose? We all have a choice; and even in your excessive posting of your position, guess what, you're choosing to be in the position you're in. It's all about personal power and you've given it over to something else. YOU have chosen to do that, no one else but you. Is it your fault? Why even go to the finger pointing and blame? There is no fault, only choice; cause when there's fault, there is the desire to NOT be responsible and accountable for oneself. And that's exactly what you're doing - not being responsible and accountable for yourself. I'm getting ready to pack my bags and move to California with less than $500 in my pocket. I'm not complaining about not having someone to tell me what to do. On the contrary, I'm not listening to what other people are telling me to do - find a stable job first, and then a place and then you move! Hell, if I did that, I'd never leave NYC. Am I scared? Hell yes!! But as Sunday draws closer, I feel it's right to just go. How it's all going to work out, I don't know, but I have FAITH that it will because this is my calling. And guess what: I'm being accountable and responsible for myself. Once upon a time I wanted someone to tell me, guide me...I wanted a flesh and blood being to tell me everything; I found that person sitting right here within myself. Quiet frankly, I'm tired of reading or hearing about you not having power or being so angry at the world. You feel you have none because you've chosen to align yourself in that manner. How do you fix it? Find a balance, because in this day and age, both the material and spiritual must work together. Find your passion, and align yourself with things that will be supportive of it. If your passion is railing against the human race, then make sure you have a solution and faith in what you seek to do. Become self-reliant and do YOUR work. And please find a job that will be supportive of your cause [whatever that may be]. Start from the basics and work your way up. What skills do you have [other than throwing your personal power away] that may be beneficial in the work force? I know a dancer that I befriended that's so hung up over what's going on in the world, and got upset when I told her that I am aware of the oil spill but will do my part so that I may fulfill my destiny. Because I didn't rally up with her anguish of the oil pill, she hasn't spoken to me. And she has yet to get her self together spiritually and emotionally. Before you can truly be of service you MUST be of service to YOURSELF, in ways that will be useful to others. And your ramblings are the exact thing that the 'evils' of the world want out of every human being. So, how do you counter that? BECOME SOMETHING!!!!!! Seek out your purpose and fulfill it. This is a task that you must do alone for the most part; the helpers along the way [like Kim and everyone else you meet] are temporary. In the end, you have you, your source, and the Great Source. That's it. I don't sugar coat things;and Stoner, you need to grow.
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Post by Kata Samoes on Jun 3, 2010 0:14:34 GMT -5
Stop expecting people to cater to you. Stop expecting people to tell you what you want to hear, and disregard all else. Stop asking for guidance you will not accept.
Stop asking for everyone else to make it work for you, only to blame them for your inaction.
No one can do your work, live your life, or make it work for you. You are not a sheep, nor a robot, nor an idiot.
You know this. Pull out of your funk, and be YOU.
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Post by stonerwolf on Jun 4, 2010 11:47:03 GMT -5
i am desperately searching, seeking, and finding only lectures about how it's all my own fault, and no one can do anything about it but me, no one willing to lend a hand or put in an effort, only words, and more words, and words on top of words on top of more words. Usually telling me to go out and do, but never guiding me, never giving an example. the internet is no help, it's just words. Even craigs list fails to find people who can help. Cant find a hippie community for hte life of me, cant find a ride to my "adopted" family in california, cant get ahold of any resoruces to take care of myself, and cant have access to them without paying people who think they have the right or necessity to monopolize and distribute these resources. No one is willing to revolt against a government that owns everything and lets you do essentially whatever you want as long as you work for the money to do it. everyone who works to buy up resources and land are traitors to freedom and can constitutionally be hanged, but no one in america is smart enough to figure out how to do it successfully, myself included. I haven't read all of what Kim has posted in response to this. As a Life Coach, I have one question: How do you choose to choose? We all have a choice; and even in your excessive posting of your position, guess what, you're choosing to be in the position you're in. It's all about personal power and you've given it over to something else. YOU have chosen to do that, no one else but you. NOT consciously, willingly only in the rudest sense of the term. I do not have any personal power which i understand how to control or to use. I do not know where i "gave" my personal power to, because as far as i have ever been aware, i have never had any power to choose anything meaningful over my own life. what choices i do have are blind and lead nowere i can see. i dont have a F**king clue what im doing, im not as smart as you think i am, as i have no personal power and no clue how to get any. (back?) How can i be responsible or accountable for things i have never had any power over? NOT a choice i made decidedly or consentingly, or with any shred of awareness that i was even doing it. i want back, i want out, i want power to help myself, which no one can give me, and i have yet to figure out how to give myself. and what? WHAT?!? WHAT THE F**k WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!!? Nothing. i can only get angry and yell and hurt people, cuz it's all my own fault and my own responsibility and accountability and no guidance and no help. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. just keep on looking. That's all i can do huh? just keep on looking? And when i have looked and looked and looked and found nothing, i am jsut to keep on looking. F**kING FANTASTIC. My passion is finding and living within an interdependent community free of political obligations to any nation or governing body apart from, or lacking any immediate and direct involvement with the community. I look, i seek, i find not. Closest i've come is my aunt has heard of places but she cant help either. Yeah, sure. F**k YOU I DIDNT DO IT KNOWINGLY OR ON PURPOSE AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET IT BACK F**k YOU F**k YOU F**k YOU F**k YOU F**k YOU F**k YOU F**k YOU! Noijustthrowmypersonalpowerawaythatsall and we're all on our own in that, no help, no support, no assistance. we can only do it for ourselves. that isnt even spiritual, that is only self. How can spirit grow and thrive if it is abandoned and left to help itself on its own? Well since i have no purpose in life, then that cant be done sicne i am eternally useless to anyone on my own, by myself. without interdependence, i am nothing. I DO need to grow. I LACK any guidance, tools, or assistance to. But it's not like i expect anyone to udnerstand that. everyone's the same: selfish and unwilling to help out or guide or assist. It's all every man for himself out here. You've done nothing but say that over and over and over again. You act like it's not, yo uact liek you're saying more than that, but what it all boils down to is i can only help myself, according to you all. So, i am alone, there is no god, there is no devil, there is no help, there are no spirits, there isnt a single thing in the whole of all of reality that has anything to do with me, but me. according to all of you. Kata, im the biggest idiot i know, and have no evidence to believe otherwise. Yeah, i know i am smart, but it doesnt do me any good. Yeah, i know im no sheep or robot, but at least sheeple think they're happy and robots dont get depressed. I am doing EVERYTHING that i can alone, beleive it or not. I dont expect you to believe i've ever put forth an effort because the most effort i can manage is barely even the least effort it takes people like you to involuntarily hiccup. I jsut dont have it in me to do everything y'all expect me to do all by my lonesome. it is not possible for me under my circumstances. I've tried so F**king hard and gotten nothing out of it, and i am told that im not trying hard enough?! yeh, im done. i give and i give and i give and what do i get? THIS SHIT.
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Post by KG on Jun 4, 2010 13:31:35 GMT -5
OK Stoner... I will come up with a plan. Plan 1. go to juju.com www.job-search-engine.com/1. type in the city in which you are living. Look for jobs you can do in an area you can get public transportation to... or something in walking distance... say five miles. 2. Write a resume... wait.. I think i wrote you one. Do you still have a copy... i might but if so it's on my other machine. I guess... I thought maybe i emailed it to you or something, but if not i'll look. Of course you will have to update it. Mostly just change the address. 3. Submit resume's and applications on line, and/or in person. put in 6-9 hours a day seeking a job. just any job you think you can do. 4. Dress nice for all appointments, interviews and picking up applications. 5. Get the job, and keep it six months, by working, doing the best job you possibly can, and doing everything they tell you plus anything extra and helpful you can think of. Take any promotions, training, etc that they offer... then if you want to re-locate try to transfer within that company. IF not then get a job lined up there before you go. If you would do that, your situation would improve drastically... I really don't see where that is so hard to do. I think you can handle that just fine. Plan 2. Use the internet to find a commune, close by and just go. You could walk/hitchhike... it might take a while but you could. Plan 3. Apply for a pell and get yourself an education at your local community college. Sure you could go to your adoptive family, but if you do, your plan should include either Plan 1 or 3 or both. I also think you should get yourself a drivers licence and a cheep car... once you get your job. It would help you to be independent, and interdependent with others as well. You cannot be interdependent unless you have something to offer too. You can probably get rides to work with co-workers for a while, but eventually you do need a car... that would solve many of your problems. That is my honest and advice. it's simple concrete advice. It has been my advice consistently. It may not be what you want to do, but short term at least it's your choices... number one being the most obviously necessary. long term 3 needs to be part of the picture. Your education should be aligned with some marketable skill. NOT a hobby. Number 2 isn't the standard way of doing things, but if you want to join a commune it should not be so hard as all that, especially where you live. As for going to Cali... IDK walk, hitch hike, hop a freight... people do that all the time. That's not so hard either.
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Post by Kata Samoes on Jun 4, 2010 14:12:03 GMT -5
Stoner, you're not an idiot. Stop acting like one.
You just now asked for help and advice, we gave it. You push it away.
You ask for how to feel, we tell you to feel for yourself. You get mad.
You ask for direction, we tell you we don't know. You get mad, as though we bitched at you.
You ask for guidance, we give you a direction. You got mad we're not helping you.
We cannot carve your footsteps in the sand, as they disappear as easily as we made them. We cannot carve your feelings into a direction, as we are not controlling. We cannot dictate your direction or what you should know, as we cannot be your parents. We cannot decide you purpose in life, for we did not design you.
We cannot pull your strings, because you cut them off long ago. We give you freedom, and support. You knock us down.
I cannot contribute to pity. You are too strong for that, as you fight even when you don't want to. You FEEL when you don't know how. You SCREAM with sore lungs. You fly with no wings!!
And you expect us to know where you are, where you are heading, why, when, and how?
I cannot control, for I am not your Master. I am not your slave to direction, I am not your spirit to whisper into your ear.
I am Kata. I am a friend.
I am not your enemy. Do not make this about us against you, for we are not.
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Post by KG on Jun 4, 2010 14:17:32 GMT -5
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Post by KG on Jun 4, 2010 15:27:17 GMT -5
Very well said Kata... and you told me once you didn't think you had a way with words but this is beautiful...
One thing I'd like to point out is that ALL of us feel the way Stoner feels sometimes. WE find life difficult. WE get afraid it isn't going to work this time... and we feel like we are just missing the point of whatever life lesson we are supposed to learn. It isn't a foreign feeling for anyone... at least not to me.
I get afraid. I get stressed, and I think sometimes I am a totally stupid screw up because at least occasionally, some very common simple task eludes me completely. There are problems I have that at times seem hopeless, yet there are people who would make short work of these problems... probably. WE all have things that are hard for us, while others make it look easy...
I have learned that most of our difficulties originate in our own minds, not in the circumstances. How do I know this? Because someone else DOES find the same situation simple, while I am struggling. Is this person smarter, or somehow better? NO... usually they just don't have the same set of emotional limitations. These limitations are placed there, first by our parents, and other people we listen to as children, but finally they come from us... long after people stop telling us what we can and can't do, our own preconceptions limit us.
Some people think it is a good thing that people know their limitations, but I've met a few people who either didn't know or refused to acknowledge their limitations, and those people always succeed at whatever they try, simply because they are too dumb to know all the reasons they CAN'T do this or that. LOL
Can't is a belief that we all fall prey too, or we'd all be walking on water, and passing through walls. No one gets through life with none of these limitations, but everything isn't a can't... eventually can't is an excuse for something we either don't want to do or are afraid to try at anymore.
In order to do something you have to believe you can, and you have to want to do it. You have to want to do it enough to make it work. Some people can force themselves to do things they don't want to... but most people have trouble unless they have more motivation than dread. Often when we do new things, we dread them... they are different, and it's easier to just sit back and watch TV or play on the computer. There has to be some motivation for us to WANT to do something... in your case that motivation should be strong, because all the things you need and want depend on moving forward in some way. On the other hand it's important, so it is easy to get phobic about something that important.
The third thing is that you have to have a plan of some kind, and the ability to adapt the plan if something goes wrong... the fact is that something usually does go wrong at some point within a plan. Success depends on getting past the obsticals and problems... The fourth thing is to keep trying till you succeed, and this is the point many many people fail. You can't fail as long as you keep trying BTW...
Anyway when we discover we just can't do something, the problem usually is one of these two. we either don't believe we can... or we don't want to do it enough to put in the effort.
YOU have to decide on a feasable plan, that doesn't involve the co-operation of the whole world, or grand designs to change the nature of the universe. You are the one with the problem, and while others can help you, YOU are the one who has to put in the effort, make the decisions, and then if cooperation is necessary you have to be the one to give, and be flexible enough to work with others. Mostly do something.... take action, and stop saying you can't. YOU CAN. IF anyone in the world ever did it before, and maybe even if they haven't, then you most certainly can do it.
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Post by Del on Jun 4, 2010 16:47:30 GMT -5
Ok Stoner. I will not be talking you. You have Kim and Kata and everyone else.
-Edited for cleanliness (Kata)-
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Post by stonerwolf on Jun 4, 2010 23:11:49 GMT -5
Stoner, you're not an idiot. Stop acting like one. You just now asked for help and advice, we gave it. You push it away. You ask for how to feel, we tell you to feel for yourself. You get mad. You ask for direction, we tell you we don't know. You get mad, as though we bitched at you. You ask for guidance, we give you a direction. You got mad we're not helping you. We cannot carve your footsteps in the sand, as they disappear as easily as we made them. We cannot carve your feelings into a direction, as we are not controlling. We cannot dictate your direction or what you should know, as we cannot be your parents. We cannot decide you purpose in life, for we did not design you. We cannot pull your strings, because you cut them off long ago. We give you freedom, and support. You knock us down. I cannot contribute to pity. You are too strong for that, as you fight even when you don't want to. You FEEL when you don't know how. You SCREAM with sore lungs. You fly with no wings!! And you expect us to know where you are, where you are heading, why, when, and how? I cannot control, for I am not your Master. I am not your slave to direction, I am not your spirit to whisper into your ear. I am Kata. I am a friend. I am not your enemy. Do not make this about us against you, for we are not. The problem, kata, is i have needed parents since i was born, as my own have not been. Kim sort of was for a brief time, but there was nothing much she could do to help either. She helpped me find work and that was about all the help i could get. I need more help than is available, i need more guidance than allotted to me, i am in dire need of things i was *supposed* to have gotten when i was growing up, still but a child. What i need, and what i am able to receive do not align at all. I wouldnt dispair like this if there was anything else, ANYTHING at all, that i could do about it. IF there is, im not seeing it, blind to it, and desperately looking for it. How is that supposed to work??? I keep coming back here for help that does not exist, i have no friends anymore. Friends are people who you can look to for help and support. Instead, i get this. talked down to, belittled, lectured, and all but blamed entirely for the misfortunes and bad luck in my life. And yet i keep coming back, keep givign the benefit of the doubt that maybe, somewhere some how, i will find someone who DOES have the right answers. I DONT. if i did, i wouldnt be acting out liek this, desperately seeking that which i do not have access to. I bookmarked that link you sent, kim. i havent found where this is all going down yet, but i only skimmed it once so far. i'd say it looks promising, but so did the republic of lakotah movement. whatever happened to that?
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