Post by KG on Mar 10, 2010 20:37:56 GMT -5
Well we all remember a time, and some of you are still in it, where you are wondering what career to choose, and what your life will be like... well I usually feel like this stuff doesn't apply to me anymore. But today I was thinking...
I will turn 50 this year, and I am old for sure, but I've still got about 20 or 30 or 40 years left... Old age runs in the family, and as I watch retired people, and their decline in interests and activities, I am thinking, I really don't want to do that. I've already spent the last 20 years raising kids and taking care of old people... letting my own needs wait till I have time. So maybe soon.... I will have a little time to make something of myself...
I do have a job... a weekend business, but I could let the kids run it, or just do that on weekends, and try to do something else. Mom's had some health issues but she seems to be leveling out, and while I am terribly busy doing a whole lot of nothing, I could be doing something more fulfilling and I'd probably feel better about everything.
I am getting a vague feeling that I am being called to do something... IDK what. I mean my abilities are on the wane as they do sometimes, when I get my emotions out of wack. I am trying to get some sort of plan, and so much is just up in the air... 2012 for instance, but presuming we all survive 2012, and the current recession, what then?
I know a few things I should do, but I am always great at making lists and not doing them... but what I should do is get in better physical shape, straighten out things a bit around the house and then... well that's the thing. I could try to get some job at the dollar store, or one of the marts, but I am not really too excited about that.
I've looked at my qualifications, and work experience, and it was all so long ago. The world has moved on. I've made considerable contributions to my community, with my art work, which has been used for all sorts of comercial purposes in my home town... but that's over now. I look at my interests and all I see is spirituality. I don't really care about much of anything else. I could write a book but IDK... would anyone buy it? The ramblings of a madwoman... IDK...
I could start a cult... but I don't think I am Charasmatic enough to be a cult leader... especially not speaking in person. I am undecided and open ended with most of my theories, and I really really don't believe in shoving my beliefs down anyone's throat. I do wish people would be more open minded, open hearted, and less propriatary about their RELIGION.... and I don't like religion. I thought about going back to church, and signing up for seminary, but IDK... do I really want to teach the church's narrow doctrine for the next 40 years? I mean I could do that till I was old as Moses, but is that what I want? I mean I believe most everything positive that they do, but I have so much more information, that they would never agree with.
I always believed that I would make a difference, and that while my early career was in art... I do want to move into something more meaningful. I want to teach the world, but after all my study, and all my reading, and experience, and such, do I really know anything for sure? Am I able to say anything with great certainty? There are a few things, but really when I watch TV preachers, and read self help books, and I see how certain they act and how often they are off base, incorrect or just plain flippant with their little pat answers... I think I could do that... but do I really want to, and would anyone buy it?
I've always believed that I would do something important when I was old... and now I am getting pretty old... so I am seeking guidance, and so far... the only thing weighing really heavily in my awareness is that my back hurts. LOL
Any suggestions?
I will turn 50 this year, and I am old for sure, but I've still got about 20 or 30 or 40 years left... Old age runs in the family, and as I watch retired people, and their decline in interests and activities, I am thinking, I really don't want to do that. I've already spent the last 20 years raising kids and taking care of old people... letting my own needs wait till I have time. So maybe soon.... I will have a little time to make something of myself...
I do have a job... a weekend business, but I could let the kids run it, or just do that on weekends, and try to do something else. Mom's had some health issues but she seems to be leveling out, and while I am terribly busy doing a whole lot of nothing, I could be doing something more fulfilling and I'd probably feel better about everything.
I am getting a vague feeling that I am being called to do something... IDK what. I mean my abilities are on the wane as they do sometimes, when I get my emotions out of wack. I am trying to get some sort of plan, and so much is just up in the air... 2012 for instance, but presuming we all survive 2012, and the current recession, what then?
I know a few things I should do, but I am always great at making lists and not doing them... but what I should do is get in better physical shape, straighten out things a bit around the house and then... well that's the thing. I could try to get some job at the dollar store, or one of the marts, but I am not really too excited about that.
I've looked at my qualifications, and work experience, and it was all so long ago. The world has moved on. I've made considerable contributions to my community, with my art work, which has been used for all sorts of comercial purposes in my home town... but that's over now. I look at my interests and all I see is spirituality. I don't really care about much of anything else. I could write a book but IDK... would anyone buy it? The ramblings of a madwoman... IDK...
I could start a cult... but I don't think I am Charasmatic enough to be a cult leader... especially not speaking in person. I am undecided and open ended with most of my theories, and I really really don't believe in shoving my beliefs down anyone's throat. I do wish people would be more open minded, open hearted, and less propriatary about their RELIGION.... and I don't like religion. I thought about going back to church, and signing up for seminary, but IDK... do I really want to teach the church's narrow doctrine for the next 40 years? I mean I could do that till I was old as Moses, but is that what I want? I mean I believe most everything positive that they do, but I have so much more information, that they would never agree with.
I always believed that I would make a difference, and that while my early career was in art... I do want to move into something more meaningful. I want to teach the world, but after all my study, and all my reading, and experience, and such, do I really know anything for sure? Am I able to say anything with great certainty? There are a few things, but really when I watch TV preachers, and read self help books, and I see how certain they act and how often they are off base, incorrect or just plain flippant with their little pat answers... I think I could do that... but do I really want to, and would anyone buy it?
I've always believed that I would do something important when I was old... and now I am getting pretty old... so I am seeking guidance, and so far... the only thing weighing really heavily in my awareness is that my back hurts. LOL
Any suggestions?