Post by KG on Feb 8, 2007 2:28:33 GMT -5
This is a bit off topic but I thought I'd share some experiences. In hopes of helping out those still trying to figure out how to meet people, and get through those awkward first dates. Here is a Faq. Now some of this might be outdated so bear with me. You might have to modernize it, but here is how it used to work. It is written from a woman's perspective too, but there might be something useful for guys too.
Question: How can you meet people? How can I just walk up and talk to someone I don't know?
Back in the old days, I could go just about anywhere, the mall, the convenience store, a club... scan the room for a guy and just look at him, I don't mean stare, but just glance his way, when I caught his eye I would nod, and he'd come over to me. It is actually kind of like trying to hail a waiter. It might take a little while, if he was trying to be coy, but eventually he'd come over, and start talking. If not you can always make the first move, and walk over too him. You just start talking and he talks to you, and it seems like it was somehow his idea, even though you picked him out of a crowd. Then after you talk a while, you give him your phone number... now days maybe e-mail address is better I don't know but anyway I used to keep business cards in my pocket. I most always got a call.
I gather things are a little different now, but it used to be that picking up a stranger was so much easier than making a move on someone you knew. I could pick up a guy in any convenience store in less than 5 minutes. In a club 5 min to 30 min, but only because there was more to pick from. LOL Sometimes if you just walk into a room and sit down by yourself, look confident and friendly guys will come talk to you. Heck that one still works even at my age. Everywhere I go people talk to me. Even at 200 pounds, and 46 I can do this so really it is all attitude. Think about that phrase "very friendly person." It is the cutest of our "naughty word replacement list." LOL The truth is people get attention by being friendly. It isn't all looks. Men want to meet a woman who is approachable, and easy to talk to. Women also look for guys who talk easily. I've known a lot of homely looking people who were very popular for that reason. I've known a lot of physically beautiful people who were lonely because they seemed unapproachable.
Question: How do you get people to open up and really talk to you?
You have to draw them out and make it easy for them to talk. Whatever they say, pretend to be interested. Ask questions that would make their story more interesting. It can start with anything. Just relax and let them talk. That is all guys really want. I mean they think they want sex, and they do, but sometimes just having someone listen to them is even better... though most would never admit it. Both makes them very happy. LOL
What do you do if you find you are on a horrible date with a real weirdo.
I remember once a guy I just met, picked me up in a car with the windshield shattered. After riding, and peering though the shattered glass and plastic tape for a while, I asked, if he'd had a wreck. He said "No, my last girl friend broke up with me, so I just got out of the car and smashed the windshield with an ax right where he face was." Believe or not that is a true story.
As for advice... If he's weird he's weird, but dont' ever let yourself show you feel awkward. That makes all guys act weird. If you get a real weirdo he can become so much weirder he might become dangerous if you let him know you are anything other than cool confident and completely in control of everything.
Lets pretend you aren't dealing with a weirdo though, lets say he's just feeling awkward himself. The best advice is... Laugh, I mean if anything is funny but not directed at him, and if not say things that are funny, or witty and laugh with him. Not vigorously though just a little titter. Smile a lot. Listen to him, and react to everything he said as if it were some profound revelation. Listen to his inflections and watch his expression. Empath him, and draw him out by asking questions about what he said.
If after all that, you find he is just really dangerously weird, tell him you are sick. If he doesn't believe you, throw up... preferably on him. LOL He will take you home, and he will never call again... and usually he won't be that angry just grossed out.
Question: What do you do if your date asks a question you aren't comfortable answering for some reason.
The worst question I ever got on the first date was "Will you marry me?" I thought the guy was kidding, and said yes. He asked me how many kids I wanted and still kidding I said six. He said good I want a big family too. Next thing I know he's telling people we are engaged. Who would have thought that an 18 year old guy would pick up a girl he just met, in his Gremlin, take her out for a candy bar at the convenience store, then pull into a parking lot, buy her a soda out of a machine, and propose marriage while handing it to her? LOL That was hard to get out of.
So don't tell me about worst dates. ON the bright side... he was cute. LOL
Question: What if the other person wants to know what you are looking for, and just comes right out and asks what attracts you? What if that just makes you feel awkward?
Give the guy something obtainable to shoot for, like litteracy, or being capable of simple logic. You perhaps should not have answered seriously. Now me I would have sized him up and said something similar to what he was. If I couldn't find anything I liked I would have just said something really silly, like with me... over emphasising my country accent, and sayin something like. "I always liked a man who could reeeed and rite." LOL Unless I thought the guy maybe couldn't read. Then I'd say somthing cleche' "I always notice how a guy looks at me." That is the test. If he waits a few minutes and then start's staring at you while looking like a Pug dog with indegestion it is time to run. LOL
In general go with the mood and the flow, but don't let the conversation get too serious... on the other hand dont' end up engaged cause you think the guy is playing like I did. Pick with him. Not rough though. The last thing you want is to get into a sarchatic argument with a guy on the first date after you accidentally hurt his feelings.
The thing is you have to adapt things to your personality, and especially his. See what he laughs at and what he is comfortable with. If he doesnt' get humor, or seems over sensitive, don't use much humor and be really sweet. If he starts laughing a lot, then go with it, and just be playful. Never insult though, or poke fun at others. Be witty, but not overly silly.
Question: What about sex?
Don't ever bring up sex at all unless either they mention it first, or you want to. Sex is like a gun, don't ever bring it out if you don't intend to use it.
Question: What if a guy just wants to know if he stands a chance with you, and you don't think he does?
What is wrong with just saying it's too soon to tell. I mean if he wasn't weird. Since he was weird it doesn't matter. Still it could be called a practice run.
Question: What if he won't talk? I mean there is just deathly silence, or he is asking weird questions, and it is awkward.
1. Let him talk, but you have to lead him into the conversation, then show you are listening. If he asked a question, he was trying to draw you out. Sometimes guys are good at that, but some aren't. That is OK some really nice guys are shy at first.
2. I always found that the faster you can get him to talking about his childhood, his pets, and family the better off you are. If you want to get a guy to bear his soul, just start trading storys about childhood experiences. Soon he'll be crying on your shoulder about how sad it was when Fluffy died, but be careful, a lot of guys tell dead dog stories to get into your pants. LOL
Some guys aren't open to just answering those very personal questions right away, so you can start by asking him about his work. No matter what it is, try to make it interesting. Get him to talk about the people he works with, if he won't talk about his family. Other good topics are music, provided you like the same kind, movies, even TV shows if you are into that. Ghost stories are even fun... or urban ledgends or some kind of thing like that if you are getting bored out of your skull otherwise.
Most people have a least one decent conversation in them and your job is to find it and pull it out. As for mystery, there's always a mystery, but those are rarely a good thing. Every guy has a skelaton or two in his closet, or a horrible experience that utterly traumatized him for life, or something he is ashamed of to the point he'd rather die than tell you on a first date. If you are good though... he will tell you these things on the second or third date. These are make or break things that he thinks you might not ever want to talk to him again if you knew. No matter how weird it is, don't let on it bothers you... if it does then you don't have to tell him why you aren't going out with him anymore, but never let him know his horror story is really that horrible... even if he confesses to having bodies in his basement, stay cool. Actually especially if he confesses to a crime, cause over reacting can get you hurt. Stay calm. No matter what, stay calm when he confesses whatever it is. Show empathy, and concern for him... it is even OK to cry, or at least wipe a fake tear, but never act horrified. That makes scars.
In general always treat a guy the way you would want to be treated if you were him. Never make him feel bad or awkward, unless he deliberately does something that offends you first. Even then just correct the mistake, don't over react, but react in a way that shows control and power. Some guys dont' like power in a woman, but you don't want those... those are usually abusive.
Show your personal power, your spiritual power. Use your power to draw him to you, then be friendly, show him you are fun, but also strong and self assured. The best way to do that is to see the guy as a human being with feelings very similar to yours. Empath him. Feel his emotions, and then think of ways to make him feel better. Not the obvious one on the first date though. I mean how would he be more secure and comfortable with you. What would make him like you, and put him at ease.
Think of parties meetings and gatherings you have gone to in the past. What things made you more comfortable? What things made you less comfortable? Alcohol makes some people comfortable at parties. Then there are those ice breaker games which school teachers are always fond of. You should learn a few both for your career and for your dates... of course you have to modify the structure for a date so it seems more natural, and not like a planned thing, but the same principles apply. There are advanced games like that for dates past the first or second... like truth or dare. I have actually played that on dates before, but usually only after we got drunk. LOL That was like the 50th date though... or something like that.
Question: I don't understand why he gets upset when I turn him down?
Most guys hate to hear no. Sounds like a rough night for his ego overall. Make excuses, or say it's just you. Don't bash a guy's feelings, unless he's done something awful he deserves to be told is wrong, so he doesn't do it again.
Question: The converstaion is getting serious. He said something about commitment... maybe... in the future? How do I handle this?
Guys can't handle talking about that too soon, and neither can women of any experience. Even if the other person brings it up on the first ten dates... ignore it... cause it is often like the fact the kid who tells the best ghost stories, gets the most scared by those stories. Don't encourage it. I mean avoid topics like commitment, and relationship, unless they bring it up and then pass it off as casually as possible.
Make a joke, of questions you aren't comfortable with for some reason. That proves you are comfortable with him, just not with the question, and you never let a guy know he is making you uncomfortable. Ticked off yes, if you really are, but not uncomfortable. Always leave the guy with the impression you have it all under control, and feel very secure. Never let them see you sweat.
Never show you are interested in commitment in general or in specific, unless you know them very well. Always be casual about the idea, even if you do know them. Make sure it is their idea and even then don't let it go too far or two fast. Always appear slightly hesitant, even if you want to scream OH Yes!!! Avoid the topic of Marriage... other than someone else's... like the plague. There are so many reasons for that. Even hypothetical marriage is very frightening to most single guys... and anyone else with any sense at all. LOL It isnt' a topic to be taken lightly, but lightly is the only way to take it at all.
Question: What if we don't seem to be having a good time? Nothing personal against the guy, just not having fun.
Flirt!!! Look at him coyly. laugh at his jokes, no matter how lame. I mean you don't ever have to go out with the guy again, but try to have a good time no matter how lame the guy is. I mean you are already out, and unless he does something awful enough to demand to be taken home, or so miserable you have to fake being sick, you are stuck. You might as well use you skills to make it a good date. It is good practice, and you never know... you might find out that once he is comfortable he is a great guy after all.
Safety tips:
1. Never get into a strange guy's car with him. Take your car or walk where ever you go. Always drive. It is psychological. It proves subliminally that you are in control.
2. Avoid isolated areas, such as lover's lanes, dark allys, long walks in the woods etc, with strangers.
3. You probably shouldn't go to a guy's house or appartment on the first date. I have, even once on a pickup, but I empathed that guy completely, and he was too shy and gentle to be a problem ever. He was a sweetie. His roomate stole my phone number though, and I never got to talk to him again. His roomate called me instead. I got the impression that they were going to fuss over me if I dated either one of them, the other would be mad. I left it alone, but it was Not a huge deal though. There are plenty of guys out there.
4. There are plenty of guys out there. If a guy proves to be too big of freak, just say no.
5. Avoid being alone together till you get to know the guy. Time it takes to get to know a guy varies. With experience and ability you can know a guy in 10 minutes enough to know he is safe, if you don't allow yourself to be predjudiced by appearances. On the other hand if he is an adept too, he might be able to hide his true nature from you. Always err on the side of caution, and never let him know you are afraid.
6. The safest place to meet with a guy you are skitish of for the first time is the library. If you scream in a library you get a lot of attention. This might seem awkward, but on a college campus say a guy is following you, and you don't have another class right away... go to the library. If he follows you in, then talk to your stalker in there. I've met some really nice guys after they followed me into a library. Some guys just can't get up the nerve to approach you, so they follow you around. This is especially true of foreigners who don't speak much english, and shy country boy types, who don't talk easily.
7. Trust your instincts, hone your abilities and use them to let you know when you are safe and when you aren't. If you find you aren't safe, don't panic. Just keep your cool, and get out of there as smoothly as possible. Never ever let a guy know you are afraid of them. IT is dangerous.
8. Learn some self defence! Take classes, or get a guy friend or relative teach you a little about street fighting. Let that make you confident.
9. Always exude confidence, and use psychology and body language to appear in control. Always wear heals... especially since you ar shorter. Stand up strait and never look small and helpless. Carry yourself with dignity and courage even if you are nervous, awkward or even scared out of your mind.
10. Never let a guy get away with intimidating you, bullying you or hitting you. Not once. Never take a punch or a slap. Hit back. Better yet, pick up something heavy and hit back with that. Never let a guy touch you unless you want him too, and if he does something you don't like, let him know. Make the punishment fit the crime though. I mean don't kill him for putting his arm around you, but if he puts his hand down your pants when you didn't want it, twist his freaking arm behind his back and make him scream for mercy. Not that I'd help him. LOL
Well that is my dating tips... remember I haven't dated in almost 20 years though. Things change, so be careful.
Question: How can you meet people? How can I just walk up and talk to someone I don't know?
Back in the old days, I could go just about anywhere, the mall, the convenience store, a club... scan the room for a guy and just look at him, I don't mean stare, but just glance his way, when I caught his eye I would nod, and he'd come over to me. It is actually kind of like trying to hail a waiter. It might take a little while, if he was trying to be coy, but eventually he'd come over, and start talking. If not you can always make the first move, and walk over too him. You just start talking and he talks to you, and it seems like it was somehow his idea, even though you picked him out of a crowd. Then after you talk a while, you give him your phone number... now days maybe e-mail address is better I don't know but anyway I used to keep business cards in my pocket. I most always got a call.
I gather things are a little different now, but it used to be that picking up a stranger was so much easier than making a move on someone you knew. I could pick up a guy in any convenience store in less than 5 minutes. In a club 5 min to 30 min, but only because there was more to pick from. LOL Sometimes if you just walk into a room and sit down by yourself, look confident and friendly guys will come talk to you. Heck that one still works even at my age. Everywhere I go people talk to me. Even at 200 pounds, and 46 I can do this so really it is all attitude. Think about that phrase "very friendly person." It is the cutest of our "naughty word replacement list." LOL The truth is people get attention by being friendly. It isn't all looks. Men want to meet a woman who is approachable, and easy to talk to. Women also look for guys who talk easily. I've known a lot of homely looking people who were very popular for that reason. I've known a lot of physically beautiful people who were lonely because they seemed unapproachable.
Question: How do you get people to open up and really talk to you?
You have to draw them out and make it easy for them to talk. Whatever they say, pretend to be interested. Ask questions that would make their story more interesting. It can start with anything. Just relax and let them talk. That is all guys really want. I mean they think they want sex, and they do, but sometimes just having someone listen to them is even better... though most would never admit it. Both makes them very happy. LOL
What do you do if you find you are on a horrible date with a real weirdo.
I remember once a guy I just met, picked me up in a car with the windshield shattered. After riding, and peering though the shattered glass and plastic tape for a while, I asked, if he'd had a wreck. He said "No, my last girl friend broke up with me, so I just got out of the car and smashed the windshield with an ax right where he face was." Believe or not that is a true story.
As for advice... If he's weird he's weird, but dont' ever let yourself show you feel awkward. That makes all guys act weird. If you get a real weirdo he can become so much weirder he might become dangerous if you let him know you are anything other than cool confident and completely in control of everything.
Lets pretend you aren't dealing with a weirdo though, lets say he's just feeling awkward himself. The best advice is... Laugh, I mean if anything is funny but not directed at him, and if not say things that are funny, or witty and laugh with him. Not vigorously though just a little titter. Smile a lot. Listen to him, and react to everything he said as if it were some profound revelation. Listen to his inflections and watch his expression. Empath him, and draw him out by asking questions about what he said.
If after all that, you find he is just really dangerously weird, tell him you are sick. If he doesn't believe you, throw up... preferably on him. LOL He will take you home, and he will never call again... and usually he won't be that angry just grossed out.
Question: What do you do if your date asks a question you aren't comfortable answering for some reason.
The worst question I ever got on the first date was "Will you marry me?" I thought the guy was kidding, and said yes. He asked me how many kids I wanted and still kidding I said six. He said good I want a big family too. Next thing I know he's telling people we are engaged. Who would have thought that an 18 year old guy would pick up a girl he just met, in his Gremlin, take her out for a candy bar at the convenience store, then pull into a parking lot, buy her a soda out of a machine, and propose marriage while handing it to her? LOL That was hard to get out of.
So don't tell me about worst dates. ON the bright side... he was cute. LOL
Question: What if the other person wants to know what you are looking for, and just comes right out and asks what attracts you? What if that just makes you feel awkward?
Give the guy something obtainable to shoot for, like litteracy, or being capable of simple logic. You perhaps should not have answered seriously. Now me I would have sized him up and said something similar to what he was. If I couldn't find anything I liked I would have just said something really silly, like with me... over emphasising my country accent, and sayin something like. "I always liked a man who could reeeed and rite." LOL Unless I thought the guy maybe couldn't read. Then I'd say somthing cleche' "I always notice how a guy looks at me." That is the test. If he waits a few minutes and then start's staring at you while looking like a Pug dog with indegestion it is time to run. LOL
In general go with the mood and the flow, but don't let the conversation get too serious... on the other hand dont' end up engaged cause you think the guy is playing like I did. Pick with him. Not rough though. The last thing you want is to get into a sarchatic argument with a guy on the first date after you accidentally hurt his feelings.
The thing is you have to adapt things to your personality, and especially his. See what he laughs at and what he is comfortable with. If he doesnt' get humor, or seems over sensitive, don't use much humor and be really sweet. If he starts laughing a lot, then go with it, and just be playful. Never insult though, or poke fun at others. Be witty, but not overly silly.
Question: What about sex?
Don't ever bring up sex at all unless either they mention it first, or you want to. Sex is like a gun, don't ever bring it out if you don't intend to use it.
Question: What if a guy just wants to know if he stands a chance with you, and you don't think he does?
What is wrong with just saying it's too soon to tell. I mean if he wasn't weird. Since he was weird it doesn't matter. Still it could be called a practice run.
Question: What if he won't talk? I mean there is just deathly silence, or he is asking weird questions, and it is awkward.
1. Let him talk, but you have to lead him into the conversation, then show you are listening. If he asked a question, he was trying to draw you out. Sometimes guys are good at that, but some aren't. That is OK some really nice guys are shy at first.
2. I always found that the faster you can get him to talking about his childhood, his pets, and family the better off you are. If you want to get a guy to bear his soul, just start trading storys about childhood experiences. Soon he'll be crying on your shoulder about how sad it was when Fluffy died, but be careful, a lot of guys tell dead dog stories to get into your pants. LOL
Some guys aren't open to just answering those very personal questions right away, so you can start by asking him about his work. No matter what it is, try to make it interesting. Get him to talk about the people he works with, if he won't talk about his family. Other good topics are music, provided you like the same kind, movies, even TV shows if you are into that. Ghost stories are even fun... or urban ledgends or some kind of thing like that if you are getting bored out of your skull otherwise.
Most people have a least one decent conversation in them and your job is to find it and pull it out. As for mystery, there's always a mystery, but those are rarely a good thing. Every guy has a skelaton or two in his closet, or a horrible experience that utterly traumatized him for life, or something he is ashamed of to the point he'd rather die than tell you on a first date. If you are good though... he will tell you these things on the second or third date. These are make or break things that he thinks you might not ever want to talk to him again if you knew. No matter how weird it is, don't let on it bothers you... if it does then you don't have to tell him why you aren't going out with him anymore, but never let him know his horror story is really that horrible... even if he confesses to having bodies in his basement, stay cool. Actually especially if he confesses to a crime, cause over reacting can get you hurt. Stay calm. No matter what, stay calm when he confesses whatever it is. Show empathy, and concern for him... it is even OK to cry, or at least wipe a fake tear, but never act horrified. That makes scars.
In general always treat a guy the way you would want to be treated if you were him. Never make him feel bad or awkward, unless he deliberately does something that offends you first. Even then just correct the mistake, don't over react, but react in a way that shows control and power. Some guys dont' like power in a woman, but you don't want those... those are usually abusive.
Show your personal power, your spiritual power. Use your power to draw him to you, then be friendly, show him you are fun, but also strong and self assured. The best way to do that is to see the guy as a human being with feelings very similar to yours. Empath him. Feel his emotions, and then think of ways to make him feel better. Not the obvious one on the first date though. I mean how would he be more secure and comfortable with you. What would make him like you, and put him at ease.
Think of parties meetings and gatherings you have gone to in the past. What things made you more comfortable? What things made you less comfortable? Alcohol makes some people comfortable at parties. Then there are those ice breaker games which school teachers are always fond of. You should learn a few both for your career and for your dates... of course you have to modify the structure for a date so it seems more natural, and not like a planned thing, but the same principles apply. There are advanced games like that for dates past the first or second... like truth or dare. I have actually played that on dates before, but usually only after we got drunk. LOL That was like the 50th date though... or something like that.
Question: I don't understand why he gets upset when I turn him down?
Most guys hate to hear no. Sounds like a rough night for his ego overall. Make excuses, or say it's just you. Don't bash a guy's feelings, unless he's done something awful he deserves to be told is wrong, so he doesn't do it again.
Question: The converstaion is getting serious. He said something about commitment... maybe... in the future? How do I handle this?
Guys can't handle talking about that too soon, and neither can women of any experience. Even if the other person brings it up on the first ten dates... ignore it... cause it is often like the fact the kid who tells the best ghost stories, gets the most scared by those stories. Don't encourage it. I mean avoid topics like commitment, and relationship, unless they bring it up and then pass it off as casually as possible.
Make a joke, of questions you aren't comfortable with for some reason. That proves you are comfortable with him, just not with the question, and you never let a guy know he is making you uncomfortable. Ticked off yes, if you really are, but not uncomfortable. Always leave the guy with the impression you have it all under control, and feel very secure. Never let them see you sweat.
Never show you are interested in commitment in general or in specific, unless you know them very well. Always be casual about the idea, even if you do know them. Make sure it is their idea and even then don't let it go too far or two fast. Always appear slightly hesitant, even if you want to scream OH Yes!!! Avoid the topic of Marriage... other than someone else's... like the plague. There are so many reasons for that. Even hypothetical marriage is very frightening to most single guys... and anyone else with any sense at all. LOL It isnt' a topic to be taken lightly, but lightly is the only way to take it at all.
Question: What if we don't seem to be having a good time? Nothing personal against the guy, just not having fun.
Flirt!!! Look at him coyly. laugh at his jokes, no matter how lame. I mean you don't ever have to go out with the guy again, but try to have a good time no matter how lame the guy is. I mean you are already out, and unless he does something awful enough to demand to be taken home, or so miserable you have to fake being sick, you are stuck. You might as well use you skills to make it a good date. It is good practice, and you never know... you might find out that once he is comfortable he is a great guy after all.
Safety tips:
1. Never get into a strange guy's car with him. Take your car or walk where ever you go. Always drive. It is psychological. It proves subliminally that you are in control.
2. Avoid isolated areas, such as lover's lanes, dark allys, long walks in the woods etc, with strangers.
3. You probably shouldn't go to a guy's house or appartment on the first date. I have, even once on a pickup, but I empathed that guy completely, and he was too shy and gentle to be a problem ever. He was a sweetie. His roomate stole my phone number though, and I never got to talk to him again. His roomate called me instead. I got the impression that they were going to fuss over me if I dated either one of them, the other would be mad. I left it alone, but it was Not a huge deal though. There are plenty of guys out there.
4. There are plenty of guys out there. If a guy proves to be too big of freak, just say no.
5. Avoid being alone together till you get to know the guy. Time it takes to get to know a guy varies. With experience and ability you can know a guy in 10 minutes enough to know he is safe, if you don't allow yourself to be predjudiced by appearances. On the other hand if he is an adept too, he might be able to hide his true nature from you. Always err on the side of caution, and never let him know you are afraid.
6. The safest place to meet with a guy you are skitish of for the first time is the library. If you scream in a library you get a lot of attention. This might seem awkward, but on a college campus say a guy is following you, and you don't have another class right away... go to the library. If he follows you in, then talk to your stalker in there. I've met some really nice guys after they followed me into a library. Some guys just can't get up the nerve to approach you, so they follow you around. This is especially true of foreigners who don't speak much english, and shy country boy types, who don't talk easily.
7. Trust your instincts, hone your abilities and use them to let you know when you are safe and when you aren't. If you find you aren't safe, don't panic. Just keep your cool, and get out of there as smoothly as possible. Never ever let a guy know you are afraid of them. IT is dangerous.
8. Learn some self defence! Take classes, or get a guy friend or relative teach you a little about street fighting. Let that make you confident.
9. Always exude confidence, and use psychology and body language to appear in control. Always wear heals... especially since you ar shorter. Stand up strait and never look small and helpless. Carry yourself with dignity and courage even if you are nervous, awkward or even scared out of your mind.
10. Never let a guy get away with intimidating you, bullying you or hitting you. Not once. Never take a punch or a slap. Hit back. Better yet, pick up something heavy and hit back with that. Never let a guy touch you unless you want him too, and if he does something you don't like, let him know. Make the punishment fit the crime though. I mean don't kill him for putting his arm around you, but if he puts his hand down your pants when you didn't want it, twist his freaking arm behind his back and make him scream for mercy. Not that I'd help him. LOL
Well that is my dating tips... remember I haven't dated in almost 20 years though. Things change, so be careful.