Basic Manual To Life
- Fulfill the basic dietary functions
- Sleep
- Shelter
There's your manual to life. That right there's all you need to live.
okay, thanks for mocking me, appreciate it, i really do.[/sarcasm]
and to point out, a television manuel tells you HOW to accomplish what you need to do.
have you ever seen a VCR manuel that says "set clock, insert tape, press play" and nothing else?
in videogames, they have complete guides telling you how to beat the game, but untill YOU DO IT, it will never be done, you can still enjoy the game all te same, but with an added advantage against the problem: the computer.
we ll i have no advantage over myself, or the negativity that consumes me, i have no instruction manuel to teach me how to controll my SUPPOSEDLY free will.
im thrown into a game i never wanted to play, i am forced to learn everything on my own with no help, and i still dont even have the controller figured out yet!
the LEAST someone could do for us is give us the OPTION of knowing what we need to do, some intricate button i can press that tells me what i have done and here i am and where i can still go and what i can still do, and HOW.
i hate this ignorance, born in darkness, completely blind to any true truths, knowing only the lies of our sensual input, vision, sound, smell, etc. we dont know anything after we are born, and i only ASSUME we had lives before hand, full of experiances and memories stripped from us at birth.
supposedly we are supposed to be learning lessons, but what is the point of learning? what is the point of BEING? what is the point of all of this?
i recieve no real answers, just some strange enigmatic response telling me i have to pick a purpose...
i pick ending ignorance. but there is nothing i can DO to do that, i cannot force babies to be born all knowing, i cannot cause such a feat.
so i can choose to lessen suffering on earth, yet what can i do? i cant GO anywasher, i cant DO anything, i dont even KNOW anyone who is homeless or starving every other day. i live out in the middle of nowhere, there IS no population that needs to suffer less around here, SURE i'll be a drifter, and roam from city to city doing helpful things, just as soon as i have someone to encourage me to get up in the morning every day, and since she (or he) isnt a part of my life, im not about to get started on that any time soon.
why do i want to suffer? because i hate existing, and it is a ghandi protest to reality.
i will starve myself of satasfaction untill EVERYONE can be equally satasfyed with reality.
i dont want to think that is what i am ACTUALLY doing, but so far it seems like it! I dont know why i want to suffer, YOU dont know, the foudner doesnt know, oh, and did i mention i dont know why i make myself suffer?
PLUS i DO NOT believe WHAT SO EVER that i am doing this to myself, subconsciousely or otherwise.
i fail to see any reason i would cause myself harm. i do not believe ing suffering in any way of the word, and i am leery to believe my subconscious is so stark opposite that it would cause me to make myself suffer.
life is what i percieve it to be ok hmm...
life, as i percieve, has no defined purpose, no reason to exist.
what am i supposed to think about that?
OH JOY THIS IS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME! BUT I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO! WHIOOPEEE!
i think not... but who knows, maybe i can percieve it as a good thing.
hmm... i percieve a lot of suffering, i percieve governments taking advantage of their people and runing lives into the ground for their own bennifit, and i am supposed to just shrug it off huh?
i see people paying upward of $30,000 for endangered parrots.
$30,000 that could be used to help starving children in africa, $30,000 that could be used to research a new ecological infrastructure for societies, $30,000 that could be used in stemcell research so that we can find a cure for AIDS, HIV, drug addiction, alcoholism, even gender dysphoria!
and i am supposed to look for the good in that: ok some asshole took a new pet parrot away from it's home against it's will, so he can have a social status indicatior.
as for the internal debate thing, i didnt go blank, i just couldnt think of any replies.
maybe it was just the question i had asked myself that time, i could try again later... i'll save it to notepad and paste it here later.
and last but not least, my parents met, fell in love, procreated, lost the love but stuck together, procreated again, and split.
i see my dad from time to time, but he's not exactly a father figure.
he spends all his time either working for money he can spend on his computer/games, or he is playing his computer games.
he's a good online gaming friend at best.
he's an asshole in person. talks like an asshole no matter what he says or does, it's always the same sneery tone of voice and loud obnoxiousness.
no, my parents were never together. not for as long as i have had memories of them. my earliest memories of them never involve them living together. the times that they did live together, my memories remember my grandmotehr's house when i was very young. but the memories dont include my parents being together let alone loving each other.
that never hurt till just now... i hope that's a good thing......