|
Post by ~Sephity~ on Dec 11, 2006 18:33:27 GMT -5
Because you've received just about every kind of advice you can from everyone on here, and there's none other kind left, so we just repeat it and hope it helps.
|
|
|
Post by stonerwolf on Dec 11, 2006 18:38:31 GMT -5
so no one here can help me... thanks for the effort though, i do appreciate it, even if it doesnt help.
|
|
|
Post by ~Sephity~ on Dec 11, 2006 19:22:35 GMT -5
*bows* I'm glad to know you appreciate it. Have you tried asking someone closer to you for help?
|
|
|
Post by stonerwolf on Dec 11, 2006 21:37:16 GMT -5
ugh dont even want to bother.
my mother never has time, my sister is moving out, my father is an asshole i could do better without, and my only friend is pretty daft...
i dont know anyone who either has the time, paitence, or intelligence to bother with.
|
|
|
Post by dania on Dec 11, 2006 23:31:35 GMT -5
Have you tried talking to a therapist?
|
|
|
Post by stonerwolf on Dec 12, 2006 0:56:15 GMT -5
twice, the first time was in third grade, but that was before i was depressed, the second time, i didnt talk, and the therapist didnt ask questions, and nothing got done...
i've been thinking of trying again, but the only problem is time and transportation, seeing as my mom works all the time, and she's my only ride.
|
|
|
Post by dania on Dec 12, 2006 12:27:16 GMT -5
The thing about a therapist is, he or she cannot help you if you won't open up and talk.
|
|
|
Post by stonerwolf on Dec 12, 2006 17:26:05 GMT -5
yeah i know that, but i didnt know what to say. or how to say it... maybe both heh.
|
|
|
Post by dania on Dec 12, 2006 23:58:37 GMT -5
Just start talking lol. It's hard, I know. But you have to start somewhere, so just start talking. Doesn't matter if it's the "right place" or not. The therapist probably didn't ask questions because she didn't know what questions to ask; you have to give them something to work with.
|
|
|
Post by stonerwolf on Dec 13, 2006 1:23:42 GMT -5
yeah i know, better now than then, but yeah... i'll keep that in mind if we ever get around to another therapist.
|
|
|
Post by Kata Samoes on Dec 13, 2006 9:24:30 GMT -5
I wouldn't base assumptions of the intentions of people on what Kata said. Its kata. 'Nuff said. You're an ass. ;D
|
|
|
Post by Xavrael on Dec 13, 2006 12:15:59 GMT -5
haha, you know you love me ;D. Besides, its true! XD Yeah Stoner, Therapist could do a lotta good. Speak your mind and the therapist can probably come up with something to help you out ^_^.
|
|
|
Post by KG on Dec 14, 2006 3:09:59 GMT -5
First I would like to thank everyone for pitching in and trying to help Stoner. I think all the advice is good, and I agree with all of it... including Kata's candid opinions. I especially liked these two.
That said, no one here is an ass, and asshole, or hopeless, unless they choose to be, and they can always chage their mind, so again not hopeless. Everyone's patience has worn thin, but there is no sense talking about each other's buttox just because we are all running out of answers.
We have all lost our temper's at least once, and all cajoled at least once, and all of us have given sound adivice many more times than once. I think I am going to take another shot at this, and try to expand my POV.
Well none of us make house calls, and we don't know where you live, so that leaves out physical presence for us all. I don't know for sure that physical presence would help, though maybe it would. Between all of us, we could maybe force you to do something enjoyable or productive or satisfying, but do you really need to be forced?
What could we show you? Would you like to see kittens being born? I remember watching that at age six, and that did it for me then. Life seemed pretty wonderful then. Would you like to see a sunset? they occur nightly. Perhaps an inspiring movie would help? I don't know.
Then maybe you should talk to a minister. They are a lot cheeper than psychologists. Some are better at counciling for different things than others, so you could maybe ask around in your area.
I will tell you this. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen." It is not what you see every day that makes life beautiful you can't see love, or smell joy. The difference between joy and happiness is that happiness is transient and based on how things are going. Joy comes from within because of faith. Love also springs from the heart out of faith. Jesus is still there. He hasn't gone anywhere, and he's trying to help too, but you have to try, and you have to find faith. "If you have faith as a grain of mustard seed and say unto the mountain be thou removed and cast into the sea and doubt it not in your heart it shall be done for you." A mustard seed is tiny and a mountain is huge, but faith doesn't have to be big to work. It does have to be allowed to grow.
There is no proof of anything. Everything is all POV. It could be dark outside, and 25 degrees, but try proving that to some crazy person who thinks it is sunny, and is currently in a bikini sun bathing in the snow. As long as they believe it is sunny, and they don't feel the cold, they will never believe you.
That is what you are doing Stoner. You won't listen to us, and you are insisting the world is dark. You refuse to see either the sun or the moon. You do not appreciate the flowers. The world is a technicolor beauty, but paint your world gray, in your perception of it. You refuse the blessings that you have been graced with. Your healthy, young, and rather attractive body. Your loving parents... and your friend. The multitudes of people who could be your friends. The people on this and other boards who are concerned about you.
We can't do it for you Stoner. We cannot change the channel on your mental TV set. I could try, but you'd have to help, and so far you want let any of us near the remote! We can't force you to live, and enjoy life. WE can't make you see anything when you have blindfolded yourself.
What is it really Stoner. I haven't heard anything that makes sense as to why you feel that way. You feel yucky and sad... Do you have any idea why? I mean really why? Not just the first complaint that pops into your head, but the bottom line of your misery. From what you have told us, it seems like you have a very average normal life, or at least the potential for one. Average middle class family. Two parents still married. At least one friend. You could be just fine with that Stoner. You don't have cancer aids, or even fleas that I know of. So what is the problem.
I tell you what if YOU will try, and tell us what the problem really is, then we will take that problem and try to solve it, but only if you promise to pick at least half a dozen of the suggestions people give you, and actually do them.
Yes we notice that you are working against us. There are no solid iron clad answers to anything. Truth is relative to POV, at least while incarnate on this planet. If you believe it strongly enough it is true. If you believe you are happy, then you are. If you believe you are miserable, then you are. If it is dark as pitch, and you believe the sun is shining then it is... for you anyway. Reality is secondary to opinion when it comes to people's perceptions.
Have you ever read Oliver Twist, or seen the movie? I like the Musical Movie made in the seventies, with Jack Wild as the Artful Dodger. Why don't you rent that movie. When you do, notice Oliver. Now Oliver has faith, but faith that someone will rescue him. He goes moping around, and singing "Where is Love" he is a lost little soul in need of a helping hand. Dodger on the other hand is content being a little street urchen pick pocket. He believes himself to be elegant, and a gentleman, and he is, in his own way. HE's also just a little boy with a dirty face, and a light set of finger. Dodger finds love all around. He does't need an out. He will make it either way, with or without help. He can adapt. Oliver however feels out of place, and needs help.
IT's funny but Dodger as played in that movie has been a sort of roll model for me since I was in grade school. I had to grow up to understand just what it was about him I liked so much... other than the fact he was a cute little boy. I finally realized it was because he was a survivor. Not one of those marose victims telling you all they've been through, but someone who managed to be happy no matter what, do what they had to to make it, and he never complained or resented the fact he wasn't more fortunate. He in fact believed he was fortuante. He was't afraid or traumatized, though Oliver obviously was. He accepted and he excelled, in one of the raunchiest environments you could imagine. He wasn't a tragic character, though he had every excuse in the world to be one. He was an elegant gentleman of maybe 10 years old, making his way in the world, by lifting the wallets of wealthy people. Maybe it wasn't nice, but he couldn't worry about that. He was doing what he needed to do, finding joy in it, and loving the people around him, not looking for love somewhere far away. That is what life is about. Not waiting till you have everything perfect to enjoy it, but enjoying life now, where you are, regardless of circumstances.
I won't tell you more or I'll spoil the movie. Just watch the two coping strategies. I don't know if you'll get what I got out of it, but even if not it is a good movie.
Have you tried screaming at that part of you to shut up. LIke a role play. I mean you wouldn't have to scream out loud, but you can if you want. It probably would, at least for a while. If not, then ask it what it's real problem is, cause everything it has said so far is just an excuse. Anytime someone objects to every little nit picky thing, then it is an excuse. What is that part of you making excuses about? What is the real crust of the biscuit. Maybe you don't know consciously, but you could find out. Try writing an inner dialog and post it. There should be at least two sides to argue something, so do it like a debate, and type what both sides are saying. As a conscious act of your will type Shut up. I am looking for an answer, and I think some of these are pretty good. Then wait and see what the other one says.
I am not suggesting you are possessed, only that some subconscious aspect is working against you. Find out what that part's problem really is. Just ask him over and over till he tells you. Badger him, and use your common sense to weed out any obvious nonsense he throws out there.
Your problem is perception. That much is obvious. You are like a guy wearing sun glasses in the house and complaining cause it is dark. You are not seeing what is there. You are seeing something very different. You are seeing an illusion. Everyone is to a degree. People don't see what is there, they see what they choose to percieve. It is all relative, and illusional, and no one percieves the whole truth about anything. It is impossible to have perfect perception of any situation. It is always colored by POV.
Most married couples Love each other, but they also hate each other. IT depends on what day you catch them, as to which answer they would give if you asked, but deep down both are there. They have powerful emotions which are sometimes positive and sometimes negative, but they are always powerful. One day a guy's wife could be a loving princess, and the next a nagging shrew. She is the same person, and it may be that it doesn't have anything to do with her recent actions. Maybe he is reflecting over times past. She is both, depending on how he chooses to look at it.
It is all perception.
Just try to observe for a day. When you catch yourself making value judgments, just try to either stop or find something good in it. I mean walk down the street and look for a cute child, or a pretty woman. Maybe a dog that is kind of funny. Try to laugh. Force yourself to smile at everyone you meet, and just say Hi. Try to find something you like about each person, even if it is their shoes. See if that doesn't make you feel better.
I'm not saying you can change the way you percieve things overnight, but with work, maybe you can learn to look on the bright side of things a bit more. Life isn't all bad. It isn't all good, but it is what you decide to make of it.
Kim
|
|
|
Post by stonerwolf on Dec 20, 2006 4:35:19 GMT -5
i dont think religion is going to help, pastor, rabbi, or preist, nor do i expect to work with a psychologist any better than i have worked with anyone else in my life, ever.
i've tried reasoning with myself, telling my mind to shut up and listen, but to no avail.
why cant i controll my perceptions, the way i see the world, why cant i choose what i (think) i see and know?
everyone goes on about how great the world really is, yet people still suffer, why cant i ignore that? why cant i accept it, tolerate it, and focus on my own life and making my life happier? why is it that i cant stop thinking about how money affects the globe, how corperations are diverting the flow of nature and creating problems in the world in places that dont HAVE as much money as america, why cant i stop focusing on the bad?
it exists, it consumes me, and i dont know how to stop it. oh, but i do, i "just do it". thanks founder, REAL HELP!
and just FYI, i attract fleas, and other blood sucking insects, if they are around, and my parents were never married...
not that any of that matters, just idle examples, i know.
im sorry, im replying to your segments out of order...
i've tried yelling at my mind, badgering it for answers, but it just doesnt work that way, i could ask again, for your sake, but im not going to get anything different than how i hate my life and blah blah same old same old.
something inside me doesnt want me to be happy.
i demand that someone forces it out of me since i cant do it myself, i dont get it, i keep trying to work with everyone, but only manage to work against you, i could try to work against you but then i'd be alone, and i cant handle that any more than i can handle gender dysphoria. less even.
after reading that segment, i actually tried typing in notepad, but i came to a halt, i stopped thinking.
.... that last part especcially depresses me...
i do that anyways. it's how i AM in person. im not like this, all depressive all the time, not in person. im constantly trying to mantain an upbeat attitude, origonally it was who i was, but now, it is a desperate attempt at the whole "if you keep doing it, it will become real" thing... except it's not becoming real, happiness is still just an act.
sure, it's real to a degree, i laugh when i hear a good joke, smile at nice people, and generally enjoy the moments, but underneath it all, i still feel hopelessly depressed.
life is stupid. REAL stupid. give me an instruction manuel or something, a guide book, a cheat code for god's sake, but im sick of this bullcrap ignorance and learning joke.
it's not even a joke, jokes are funny.
|
|
|
Post by Kata Samoes on Dec 20, 2006 20:08:37 GMT -5
It's only as shitty as you allow it to be, and you are allowing it.
That really is what there is to it. If you do not believe a psychologist will help, then they won't. If you do, though..then they will.. Wipe doubt from your mind, and you'll see results.
Much like magick.
|
|